As weeks went on, I struggled with how to come to grips with the miracle I had received. I asked myself the question, "How does one live their life after a miracle?" The Bible doesn't mention Lazerus after his resurrection, nor does it say anything about the woman who was cured of abnormal bleeding. What about the servant whose ear was severed at Jesus' arrest? Jesus' last physical miracle before his crucifixion was to heal the ear, but we have no record of this man's life after the miracle.
I rejoiced at being cancer free, but wondered, "Am I cured because I have a 'greater' purpose? What am I supposed to do now?"
As I went through radiation treatments October 18 - November 29, I started to experience extreme pain in my neck. I had fallen towards the end of October and attributed the pain to the fall. I mentioned it to the radiation oncologist, but he didn't think it was linked to my radiation treatments.
I thought of the possibility that it could be bone mets, but most people dismissed that thought . . . after all, I had just been given a clean bill of health.
Because of tingling in my fingertips, it was generally assumed that I had a herniated or bulging disc in my neck. I had my follow up appointment with my medical oncologist on December 20 and an MRI was ordered. Of course, we all know the results of that MRI.
I was not cancer free. Even one year ago, I was most likely not cancer free. The cancer cells were floating around my body, waiting for a place to land and did so with a vengeance in my bones.
So what now? Did I experience a miracle or not?
Yes, I did.
Albert Einstein is quoted to have said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
A year ago, my life was a miracle. Today, my life remains a miracle. I do as Augustine of Hippo said, and "Trust the past to God's mercy, the present to God's love and the future to God's providence."
I choose to believe in miracles as I see them all around me. I experience a miracle each day when I wake up to another day. Each morning finds me filled with gratitude.
I still ask the question, "What am I supposed to do now?"
"But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously--
take God seriously." Micah 6:8 (The Message)
I'm grateful that my purpose in life isn't about me, but about God.
And that, my friends, is a miracle.