This weekend was one of those weekends ... a crying one. I cried a lot. (At least it felt like a lot to me!) I was overwhelmed with sadness more than anything. Sometimes, it feels that walking in the shadowlands is impossible to do and I get mired down in the grieving process. This past weekend, my emotions ranged from planning my funeral, to discussing with Art cremation versus burial and if burial, where? I pondered getting rid of as much as possible so that my family won't have to do so when I'm gone. I listed off all the projects I want to get done. I mourned.
And then, I went to sleep. And as I said in one of my famous classroom dialogues from China, "Sleep is good. Very good!"
I woke up this morning, feeling very refreshed. I have an exciting week in front of me with many adventures planned (God willing). I once again gave my day to God, thanking him that I woke up to another day. I prayed that he be in my awareness at all times, because as I've said before,
IF I'M NOT DEAD, I'M NOT DONE!
I have been given life ... an abundant life ... and I have no desire to waste it. I don't think it was a waste to spend time in tears as I think they were necessary for me. I don't cry often so the deluge was probably building up for quite some time.
Here's my week:
Monday -- meet with a friend from SoCal to celebrate her run in the Nike Half-Marathon yesterday. She's with a group of her BFFs and they all so graciously and lovingly welcomed me into their circle. Amazing women!
Tuesday -- heading to Los Angeles for an interview with two other women from a team I will be a part of for a November 2 Dirty Girl Mud Run. Our team has been chosen as a feature story and the ABC affiliate in LA is doing the feature.
Wednesday -- a day of rest and catching up on housework, etc.
Thursday -- Doctor day and putting together a treatment plan. Getting my monthly bone strengthening shot as well.
Friday -- Meeting with some local girlfriends for our monthly gathering. I'm also taking a group of visiting Chinese scholars at Stanford to a local pumpkin patch that is managed by a friend.
Saturday -- Michael's soccer game and an international student training that I want to attend.
Sunday -- Church services and Rachel's Trunk-or-Treat function. Both kids have a middle school party to attend after the Trunk-or-Treat event.
See? I'm not done! In spite of the worsening cancer, I can honestly say that physically, I'm feeling better than ever! It's hard to understand how the cancer can be getting worse when I keep feeling less and less pain. That's one of the questions I have lined up for Thursday.
Never fear, I will be talking to the medical team about how to keep my body on a more even keel. They introduced the topic to me last month and I promised them I would research and learn so that we could talk more this month. That will happen as living on the edge is no fun.
Thank you for all your emails and kind notes. I know it's hard to hear when someone is suffering, either physically or emotionally. Thank you for just being here for me and letting me be me ... whatever version of me is happening at that time.
We all have limited time left in our lives. I'm one of those who knows my time is more limited than others. I want to make God's most of my time and live for his glory.
Amen.
And then, I went to sleep. And as I said in one of my famous classroom dialogues from China, "Sleep is good. Very good!"
I woke up this morning, feeling very refreshed. I have an exciting week in front of me with many adventures planned (God willing). I once again gave my day to God, thanking him that I woke up to another day. I prayed that he be in my awareness at all times, because as I've said before,
IF I'M NOT DEAD, I'M NOT DONE!
I have been given life ... an abundant life ... and I have no desire to waste it. I don't think it was a waste to spend time in tears as I think they were necessary for me. I don't cry often so the deluge was probably building up for quite some time.
Here's my week:
Monday -- meet with a friend from SoCal to celebrate her run in the Nike Half-Marathon yesterday. She's with a group of her BFFs and they all so graciously and lovingly welcomed me into their circle. Amazing women!
Tuesday -- heading to Los Angeles for an interview with two other women from a team I will be a part of for a November 2 Dirty Girl Mud Run. Our team has been chosen as a feature story and the ABC affiliate in LA is doing the feature.
Wednesday -- a day of rest and catching up on housework, etc.
Thursday -- Doctor day and putting together a treatment plan. Getting my monthly bone strengthening shot as well.
Friday -- Meeting with some local girlfriends for our monthly gathering. I'm also taking a group of visiting Chinese scholars at Stanford to a local pumpkin patch that is managed by a friend.
Saturday -- Michael's soccer game and an international student training that I want to attend.
Sunday -- Church services and Rachel's Trunk-or-Treat function. Both kids have a middle school party to attend after the Trunk-or-Treat event.
See? I'm not done! In spite of the worsening cancer, I can honestly say that physically, I'm feeling better than ever! It's hard to understand how the cancer can be getting worse when I keep feeling less and less pain. That's one of the questions I have lined up for Thursday.
Never fear, I will be talking to the medical team about how to keep my body on a more even keel. They introduced the topic to me last month and I promised them I would research and learn so that we could talk more this month. That will happen as living on the edge is no fun.
Thank you for all your emails and kind notes. I know it's hard to hear when someone is suffering, either physically or emotionally. Thank you for just being here for me and letting me be me ... whatever version of me is happening at that time.
We all have limited time left in our lives. I'm one of those who knows my time is more limited than others. I want to make God's most of my time and live for his glory.
Amen.
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