Interesting. I never really put much thought into how long I would live, but I had that 104 number in the front and back of my mind most of the time.
Now, I'd like to live as long as my mother did. I'll turn 50 in a couple of weeks.
I always assumed that I would outlive my mother's years. I don't really know why I assumed that, but I did.
I still hope to outlive her. But, as always, there's no guarantee. There never was a guarantee. That was always just wishful thinking. I do know that I celebrated my two sisters and my husband's 53rd birthdays, though, as major milestones!
As I've said from the time of my diagnosis, cancer has not changed the hour of my death. That was ordained before I was born. However, it's my hope that cancer is changing the hours of my life. That it's changing how I live.
We all have limited time left. None of us are immortal and none of us will live forever. Whether I have two years, five years, or fifty years isn't the question. The question is, "What am I going to do with the time I've been given?"
The book of James says it well:
"Just a moment, now, you who say,
“We are going to such-and-such a city today or tomorrow. We shall stay
there a year doing business and make a profit”! How do you know what
will happen even tomorrow? What, after all, is your life? It is like a
puff of smoke visible for a little while and then dissolving into thin
air. Your remarks should be prefaced with, “If it is the Lord’s will, we
shall be alive and will do so-and-so.” As it is, you get a certain
pride in yourself in planning your future with such confidence. That
sort of pride is all wrong. No doubt you agree with the above in theory.
Well, remember that if a man knows what is right and fails to do it,
his failure is a real sin." (James 4:13-17, Phillips New Testament).
My life is but a puff of smoke. Here today, gone tomorrow, no matter how many tomorrows may come. God willing, I'll have lots of tomorrows.
What will I do with them?