Art, the kids and I have noticed something . . . we hear a lot of swearing in public life here in the States!

Now, we probably heard it in China as well, but we've learned that swearing in a foreign language doesn't have the same impact that swearing in your mother tongue does.  I remember talking to a German colleague at my university in Beijing.  He dropped the F-bomb every chance he could.  (The F-bomb in German is actually a very similar sound . . . use a short "i" instead of a short "u" and you're pretty close.)  He said that he was never comfortable swearing in his German language, but had no problem doing so in English because it had little social impact on him.

We only had a handful of native English speakers in the area in which we lived in China, and none of them swore (at least not on a regular basis), so we haven't heard swearing in quite some time.  Now, we're hearing it all the time.  I hear it at stores and on sidewalks and the kids are hearing it at schools.  It's probably no more than what we heard before our move to China, but we are more aware of it now.

Personally, I'm not impressed with swearing.  To  me, it reflects an immaturity in word usage.  Michael's classmates swear more often than Rachel's classmates (although, she doesn't hang out with the boys!) and I think that adults who habitually use swearing to express their emotions are in the same camp as the fifth grade boys.  The boys think they are cool to use such language . . . they're pushing the boundaries of language use set by both the school and by parents at home.

What are adults' excuses?

The other day, I was walking home from the store and I heard someone behind me:  "I'm not goin' to wait in no *bleep* line, only to *bleep* be told by some *bleep* *bleep* that I had to *bleep* have *bleep* to *bleep* get my *bleep* money back."

What?

He didn't have his receipt to return an item for a cash refund, he was righteously indignant that he didn't get any money.  His language didn't impress me.  If anything, it made me think worse of him. 

I'm far from perfect and I've been known to swear upon occasion.  Both my children have heard me swear . . . usually as a result of sudden extreme pain.  (It seems that when my weak ankle gives out in very inconvenient places, the first word that comes out of my mouth is the sh-word.) 

Michael asked me the other day why swearing was wrong.  I told him that God didn't like it, especially if it involved saying God's name in a wrong way.  The Bible refers to this as "taking the Lord's name in vain" (one of the commandments), but I used modern English for Michael.  We've taught them not to say "Oh, my G-d" as this is not using God's name in a correct manner.  If we are not learning/teaching about God and if we are not praising Him or talking with Him in prayer, most other uses of His name are wrong.  The ever present "omg" is a classic example of this.

I went on to tell him about Ephesians 4:29 that says, "Watch the way you talk.  Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth.  Say only what helps, each word a gift."  (The Message)

If everyone approached their language with this intent, as a gift, then what a better place this world would be!  Imagine the guy I mentioned above if he had been gracious in his response to not having a receipt?  The impression he made on everyone around him would be quite different. 

Some four-letter words are worth using:

Nice.  Kind.  Care.  Good.  Soft (A soft answer turns away wrath.).  Calm.  Cool. True.  Hope.  Love.  Can you come up with more?

I've been enjoying my kitchen quite a bit.  It's nice to have a larger space to work in and it's nice to be able to easily clean as I go along.  I'm trying new recipes, some with greater success than others.

Smoky Chicken with Potatoes. 

I couldn't figure out why it was called "smokey" chicken until I noticed that the recipe called for "smoked paprika."  I used "regular" paprika! 

Smoky Chicken and Potatoes (Family Circle Magazine, September 2012, page 180)

Makes 4 servings
Prep: 15 minutes
Bake at 450 for 30 minutes

1.5 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1-inch pieces
1.5 pounds baking potatoes, unpeeled, cut into ½ inch pieces
1 sweet onion, cut into 8 wedges
1 green pepper, cored, seed and cut into ½ inch strips
4 cloves garlic, sliced
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons smoked paprika
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon black pepper
1 lemon, cut into wedges, plus more for serving (optional)
½ cup parsley, chopped

• Heat oven to 450. Coat a 13x9x2-inch baking dish with non-stick cooking spray.
• Add chicken, potatoes, onion, green pepper and garlic. Tos with olive oil and season with paprika, salt and pepper. Squeeze lemon wedges over top and scatter wedges over casserole.
• Bake at 450 for 30 minutes or until chicken reaches 160. Stir once after 20 minutes.
• Scatter parsley over top. Serve with additional lemon if desired.

Per serving: 434 calories; 16 grams fat (3 grams saturated fat); 37 grams protein; 43 grams carb; 5 grams fiber; 721 mg sodium; 166 mg cholesterol.

Vickie’s revisions: I used 4 boneless, skinless, chicken breasts and 6 medium sized potatoes. I used two small yellow onions. I used two spoons (from my kitchen drawer) minced garlic. I didn’t measure anything else. I just sprinkled as desired and I know I used a lot more paprika than the recipe called for. I put all the “stuff” in a large bowl to toss it before placing it in the baking dish. I didn’t use any lemon.

Homemade Blueberry Muffins.  http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/08/dairy-contest-finalist-recipe-the-awesome-est-blueberry-muffins/ My revisions: I used vanilla yogurt as that's what I had on hand. The muffins are truly coffee shop style. Makes 18 standard muffins.

Beef and Bean Bake. 

Recipe found here:  Recipe found here: http://southernfood.about.com/od/hamburgcasseroles/r/r100124g.htm 

In the future, I will make my own baked beans as these were way too sweet.  I didn't plan appropriately to do so.  Michael LOVED this dish and scarfed down three servings.  Additionally, I won't add any brown sugar to the actual recipe.  I served it with simple Pillsbury biscuits (I really have to get out and buy my large cutting board for kneading breads!) and a grape/gorgonzola salad.

One of my favorites this week was Chicken Biryani.  This recipe was also in Family Circle Magazine, September 2012, page 172.

2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
6 bone-in, skinless chicken thighs, about 5 oz each (I used boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut in half)
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper (who measures this amount?)
1 large onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
2 cups white long-grain rice
1 can (14.5 oz) reduced sodium chicken broth (I made my with powdered bullion)
1 Tablespoon garam masala
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger (I didn't measure)
1 package (10 oz) frozen peas and carrots, thawed
1/2 cup cilantro (I skipped this)
1/4 cup cashews, coarsely chopped (I skipped this, too)

* Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat.  Season chicken with a 1/4 teaspoon of the salt and the black pepper (I simply salted and peppered each piece.).  Cook chicken 4 minutes per side.  Remove to a plate.

* Add onion to skillet and cook 3 minutes; add garlic and cook 1 minute.  Stir in rice, broth, 2 cups water, garam masala, ginger and remaining 3/4 teaspoon salt.  (Once again, I didn't measure the ginger or the salt).  Scrape up any browned bits from the bottom of skillet.  Return chicken and any accumulated juices to skillet.  Simmer on medium-low, covered, for 20 minutes or until all liquid is absorbed.  Stir in peas and carrots; cook for an additional 5 minutes.

* To serve, garnish with cilantro and cashews.

Makes 6 servings.  Per serving:  528 calories; 16 grams fat; 29 grams protein; 65 grams carbohydrates; 661 mg sodium; 72 mg cholesterol. 

Homemade granola.  I use Martha Stewart's basic "glaze" recipe: 

• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1/2 cup light brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

 


I use tons and tons of "stuff" to coat with the glaze.  I start with oats (six cups?) and in this batch, I added pecans, macadamia nuts, cashews, almonds, sunflower seeds, dried cranberries and dried pineapple.  I make sure all my nuts are salted so that I don't have to add any salt to the glaze (the original recipe calls for salt).  I split everything into two large bowls and set aside.  Spray jelly roll pan (pans with a slight lip) with your favorite cooking spray . . . I used coconut oil spray.).

In a small saucepan, combine oil, honey, and sugar. Bring to a boil and remove from heat. Stir in vanilla. Drizzle syrup over oat mixture; toss with a wooden spoon. Pour granola onto sheet pan and spread evenly. Bake, stirring occasionally, until golden (about 25 minutes).  (Note:  I've always added the vanilla at the beginning of the process because I never remember that I'm supposed to add it at the end. I set the timer for ten minutes and then stir.  Reset for another ten minutes and stir again.  I then decide if it needs another five minutes or so baking.)

This last batch made about 16 cups.

How awesome is that?

How awesome is what?

Awesome is going from a late stage cancer diagnosis to a scheduled out-patient lumpectomy surgery.  That, my friends, is totally cool!

Our God is amazing!

Here’s the deal.  As you know, I’ve been undergoing neoadjuvant (before surgery) chemotherapy since February 14.  (Yes, chemo was my Valentine’s gift!)  The tumor originally covered an area of 27.84 cm.  That’s a lot of area!  We saw an immediate reduction in size after the first chemo treatment and have continued to see a steady reduction throughout the whole chemotherapy regime.

On Monday, August 13, I had a breast MRI.  On Friday,  August 17, I went for my pre-surgery assessments and met with almost everyone on my medical team and had a final “diagnostic” mammogram.  (It’s amazing how clear those mammograms are!)  I also had an ultrasound. 

Folks, the tumor is very hard to find now!  It covers an area of 1.275 cm!  (For those who aren’t familiar with the metric system, that’s roughly a half inch.)  It’s an odd shape . . . looks a bit like the number three!  The tumor is only 4.57% of its original size.  Just for comparison sake, here are a couple of drawings: 

********************************          *******
*                                                     *          *    % (Tumor marker #2)
*                                                     *          *******
*                                                     *
*                                                     *
*                                                     *
*                                                     *
*                                                     *
*                                                     *          &  (Tumor marker #1)
*                                                     *
*                                                     *
********************************

Yes, that’s how much difference there is!  (My tumor was never the shape of a rectangle.  This is merely to show you the difference in size.  The first square is approximately 27 square centimeters while the second one is approximately 1.2 square centimeters.)   (Sorry, the blog site wouldn't copy my cute little squares.  I couldn't measure my created asterisks, so they are merely an approximation of the change in size.)

The surgeon thinks that the tumor will continue to shrink before my operation.  Because of this, they placed a tumor marker (a titanium clip) into the tumor.  The process wasn’t exactly painful per se, but a bit uncomfortable at times.  I have one tumor clip already, but the tumor has dissipated around that marker (see “&” above).  The second clip marks where the tumor is now remaining.  If the tumor continues to shrink, the surgeon will remove the tissue around the second marker.  (I need to ask if she will remove the first marker as well.  Not sure about that one.)

I learned at my very first appointment in San Francisco that the place runs on its own time.  It seems they are always late . . . by HOURS!  I was told to be there at 8:00 a.m. yesterday and to be prepared to stay all day.  They had me scheduled for all kinds of stuff, but with no set time for anything except the initial 8:00 a.m. appointment (and even then, I didn’t get called in until 8:15). 

Step 1:  Got vitals taken (including recording yet more weight gain) and saw the nurse practitioner.  Reviewed what’s happened since last chemo.  I’ve had an “eventful” week with my “quasi-emergency” visit to the doctor on Tuesday (See http://victoryshengli.weebly.com/1/post/2012/08/the-tail-end-of-things.html  for details) and now, the inside of my nose is riddled with sores and my left eye is leaking/tearing quite a bit.

Step 2:  Met with my surgeon.  She is very optimistic about my upcoming surgery and fully expects to get all of the cancer that is remaining.  She went over the procedure again and sent me on to get a mammogram and ultrasound.

Step 3:  Went to the imaging department and waited.  They were really running late (some women had been waiting for almost two hours).  I was among the last to be called.  The woman doing the mammogram was from the Ukraine and we had a delightful conversation, even though I was being mashed in every direction!  However, it was much better than the one I got in January when the tumor was very painful.

Step 4:  Waited for a radiologist to review the mammograms.  When that was done, it was decided I needed another tumor marker.  (See notes above.)  After that, I needed another mammogram to indicate that the tumor marker was properly placed.  However, by that time, it was lunchtime and the place was becoming quite vacant.  One of the technicians, Juanita, from Cuba, stayed a bit longer to do my mammogram so I wouldn’t have to come back.

Step 5:  Rushed out the door and head to another location to get my eye checked out.  There was concern that the sores in my nose were herpes complex rather than just a chemo side effect and that if it was an infection, it had spread to my eye (which could be quite dangerous).  It took two doctors to review my eye, during which time they scanned, dyed (some yellow dye stuff), prodded, lifted lids, lowered lids, etc., but with good results . . . no infection!  Now, I need to wait two weeks to see if it clears up and take it up from there.

I was then released to go home.  The day wasn’t as exhausting as I thought it would be and I *just missed* getting caught in the Friday night rush hour traffic.  I made good time getting home.

We still have not heard back about the genetics test.  I continue to call the genetics counselor, only to hear each time, that she hasn’t heard back.  She has made calls, but there is a huge disconnect between Aetna Global and Aetna USA.  Aetna USA can’t ever find me in their system and they end up referring everyone (including me) to the Hong Kong office.  The 15-hour time difference makes it difficult to reach them during business hours.

The genetics counselor did say that when applying statistical analysis to my case, there was only a 9% chance (if even that) of testing positive.  We are pressing ahead with current plans and will take things as they come.  We will continue to be vigilant in monitoring my health for any recurrences in the future.

That brings me to my next point.  It’s funny . . . now that I’m close to the end of this part of the journey to healing . . . I keep having the shadowy fear that everything we’ve done is just not enough. That the surgery will reveal that there are no clean margins to the tumor and that I’ll end up with a mastectomy anyway . . . or that the cancer will return or metastasize with a vengeance in a very short period of time.  I do believe I will be healed, but I quake with unbelief at the same time.   As the father of a demon-possessed son said in Mark 9:24, “I do believe, but help me with my doubts!”  (The Message)

God has proven to be faithful every step of this journey and I (we) can clearly see his hand every which way we turn.  I continue to ask for your prayers as we navigate the next steps.

What’s next?

First of all, the kids start school this week!  Rachel is more nervous than Michael, so we ask for peace of mind for her.  Michael is more excited than anything else. 

I have my pre-op appointment on August 27 when I will meet with anesthesiology and the rest of the team involved in my surgery.

My surgery is now set for Wednesday, September 5.

Please remember all of us as we adjust to new schedules and as we make arrangements for the 5th.  

I am still quite tired at times and I am often caught off guard by how physically weak I feel.  I've been given the go-ahead to start exercising again and I'm trying to walk a mile a day.  I don't try to walk quickly, but I'm surprised at how tired my legs (and arms) feel.  Please ask for wisdom as I build my body back up.  I'm hoping to attend a nutrition and exercise workshop on September 12.  It's one designed specifically for breast cancer patients who have completed treatment.  While I haven't completed treatment yet, it's still a good one for me to attend for good guidelines.

I've also been cleared to eat raw foods again!  Woo hoo!  (Or, as Rachel would say, "Woot, woot!")  Yesterday, I went out and bought a bunch of stuff for a salad today . . . and I'm getting ready to go chop everything up for it.  Michael looked at all I was putting in the basket and said, "Wow, I want some!"  (Butter lettuce, spinach leaves, radishes, cucumbers, broccoli, green onions, mushrooms . . . hmmm, I need to get off the computer and go start chopping!)

Thank you again for sharing my journey.  As I've said, I think this has ended up being a faith challenge for all of us as we process events.  We all learn differently and different questions and challenges have come up for us all. 

In other words, we're all in this together!



                                                   

If you only knew!

My last chemo was on August 2.  Each cycle has its digestive challenges and for about five weeks (since chemo #7), I have been challenged with ahem, rear end difficulties!  Things got better, but with the last chemo, started to get worse.  The situation worsened even more over the weekend and after doing everything I could possibly do (sitz baths, Preparation H, Tucks pads, Anusol HC (prescription strength) to no avail), I realized that I had to go to a doctor.  My sleep was being disrupted due to extreme pain and when I could barely walk this morning, I made the call to get in as soon as possible.

The first doctor let me know that she didn't think I had an abscess (I was concerned about an infection), but sent me on to a colo-rectal specialist.  My situation was beyond her expertise.  She was very sympathetic, though and I think I needed that sympathy!

The specialist took a look and decided to do an in-office surgical procedure to drain an infected area (no abscess, but some infection) and to relieve the pressure caused by the extreme swelling.  I won't go into details, but let me just say that I cried.  I never cry in doctor's offices!  I have yelled in pain before, but I have never cried like this.  I felt so out of control.  That literally, here at the end of the chemo part of the journey, that I had been hit with yet another skin infection, in a most undignified place.  

However, I will say that I felt almost immediate relief.  I whimpered a little bit on the way home (Art was driving), but after sleeping two hours, I felt much more like "me."  I was given some strong pain killers, but I don't think I'm going to need them . . . that's how much relief I feel.

I thought about not saying anything, but hey, we've traveled together on this journey so far, so why not let you know?  Please continue to remember me as I recover from the dreaded hemorrhoids and that they will heal quickly as a result of today's procedure.  Please pray that I get good sleep as I build my strength for my upcoming surgery on September 4.   Details to follow.

It's been a week since my chemo and I'm beginning to feel "normal" again.  Whatever that may mean!  In the back of my mind, I had this thought that "Well, that was my last chemo so now I'm going to be all better!"  Several nights of sleep disturbance later, I know that not to be true.

Overall, the cycle went well.  Only mild pain (praise God) and insomnia being the prominent side effect.  Naps are good.  Naps are good.  Naps are good!

I've had a few digestive issues, but they are improving, for which I am grateful.  I'll be glad when they are all a part of history.  Let's just say that there are some things that people don't talk about when they talk about chemo side effects!

As I've been waiting on healing, I've been contemplating what healing will look like.  I don't know yet.  I do know that I will probably never refer to myself as a cancer survivor . . . but I'll be happy to refer to myself as a walking miracle.

The term, "survivor," bothers me.  The reference to "battle" bothers me as well.  I'm also often troubled when people tell me I am "brave." 

I don't feel brave at all.  We all have a "fight-or-flight" reflex created in us and when faced with a choice to deal with a disease or to give up and die, most of us will face the disease head on.  There is little bravery involved . . . God made us that way.  We're designed to want to live. 

While I have treasure stored in heaven and I truly long for home, I must admit that I don't long for my family to be separated from me now, nor do I wish to be separated from them.  My earthly temple (my body) is designed to love those in my life and I grieve at the thought of leaving them prematurely (or at what I could consider premature).  It is definitely more than okay for me to want to live and it is more than okay for me to pursue healing in every way possible.

When someone says they are a "survivor," it gives them a special status.  That's fine.  But what does it say about those who didn't survive?  Did they not fight hard enough?  Did they not have enough positive attitude?  Did they not do the right things?  Given the "survivor" mentality, it would seem that the answers would be resounding "NOes."  They didn't do enough.

And that's just not true. 

Cancer is so incredibly ugly.  Heart disease is so incredibly ugly.  We don't use the term "survivor" in reference to heart disease and yet, I think it's almost more appropriate to do so.  Heart disease can, in many cases, be reversed by lifestyle choices.  Most cancers cannot.  

Enough about that for now.  My role in this journey is not to take on the mentality of a "survivor," but to take on the robes of Christ and to follow Him wherever it may lead.  My road is a unique one to me and my journey is different from others who are on similar journeys.  As I've said before, I don't even pretend to understand all this.  One day, I will see clearly!

As I've been waiting through this cycle, I've picked pears and made pear jam and I've experimented more with making bread.  Success with the jam, failure with the bread!  I tried to make too large of a loaf in the bread machine and it turned out to be a major bomb.

I've finished knitting a lace scarf and I learned a lot about myself in that process! I am not naturally a patient person, but I'm learning to be more patient.  I had to rip out many, many rows of this scarf as I somehow got it twisted and had a huge section that was backwards.  I almost threw the scarf away at that point, but Rachel convinced me to press on. 

I don't naturally see the "right" and "wrong" side of a knitting project and after two years of knitting, I still find it hard to determine if I've knitted or purled a previous row.  (An experienced knitter will be able to identify the mistakes I made (and left) in my scarf.)  I'm looking forward to spending time at a local yarn shop that I just discovered today!  They are literally just around the corner from me and I hope to have many questions answered.

I finally figured out (with the help of Youtube videos) how to use a cheap little thing called a flower loom.  I've mastered one whole flower . . . and it took me about two hours to do that!  It is hard for a middle-aged woman to learn new tricks sometime!  I'll continue to try other flowers on the loom and may place one of each end of the scarf.  (Since the scarf is so short, I'm going to give it to a little girl.  Flowers will make it more "girly" for her.)

I've continued to work on furnishing our home.  I'm always amazed at what people give away for free!  Today, a business was giving away a white bookshelf (perfect for Rachel's room) and a dark Indonesian wood coffee table that is perfect for our living room.  It's gorgeous!  This business no longer needed them for their reception area so they listed them for free on Craigslist and I was the first to respond and to go pick them up!  (One of these days, I'll post photos of our home.)

I continue to be amazed at our local library.  I was so thrilled to be able to check out some specialty knitting books and I'm now planning my next project now that my scarf is finished. 

I'm also continuing to learn more about cooking and to be more creative with our family meals.  I want them to eat "real" foods . . . foods with few preservatives and as little processed food as possible.  We still have a long way to go, but we're getting there.  We are eating as much organic as possible and overall, we are enjoying our food.  We do miss the food of northwest China, though.  That is something I will never be able to replicate!  

I was excited to make breakfast burritos one morning (scrambled eggs, turkey bacon and stir fried potatoes) only to find that I was the only one who really wanted and/or liked them!  I thought sure the kids would love them, but nope . . . not their thing!

The kids and I were a bit stir crazy earlier in the week and took off for a drive.  We ended up at an outlet mall (didn't buy much) and walked the mile that the mall covers.  (My doctor has approved my walking a mile a day and I've been doing pretty good at getting it in each day!)  I was able to tell the kids how I brought them to this  mall when they were little and showed them all the places I used to stop for them to play.  I would always buy them a pretzel during those trips, so we did the same thing that day.  We ended the outing with a picture at the water fountain . . . a nice end to a trip down memory lane.

These are my "Chemo's Done Celebration Flowers!"  Art offered to get me roses, but I much prefer the sunny daisies.  They seem to reflect the pure joy that I feel in having chemo finished.  (Although, I have to admit, today was rather anticlimactic.  I haven't been at this clinic very long (four weeks), so people don't know me and I don't have relationships with them.  There was no sense of completion or even celebration of today being the last one.  It's okay . . . just an observation.)

We didn't do an ultrasound measurement today.  However, I'll be having a breast MRI on August 13 and a pre-surgery mammogram on August 17.  Additionally, on the 17th, I'll be having my all-day pre-surgery assessment clinic.  This will basically cover everything I need to know prior to surgery.  Since this hospital is chronically late for everything (!!!), they've recommended that I bring books and whatever to keep me occupied.  I always have books and knitting with me, so that day will be no different.

The insurance company rejected our first appeal to pay for the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 gene mutation test.  This approximately $4,000 test would let us know if I have a gene mutation that would mean an increased risk in developing another primary breast cancer or developing ovarian cancer.  We are making another appeal this week (through the doctor and genetics folks at UCSF) and hope to hear of an approval next week.  The results could also be helpful for my sisters (not so much my daughter) for them to use for any testing they may want to consider.

The primary reason we would like the testing is for surgical decisions.  If I test positive (an approximate 9% chance), then I would most definitely have my ovaries removed during my upcoming surgery.  I may or may not opt for the bilateral (double) mastectomy.  I feel that close monitoring could be an equal option for that.  However, the ovary issue is more troubling as it's harder to monitor an early cancer in the ovaries.

Would you pray that the insurance company pays for this? 

It's a simple blood test (my blood has already been drawn).  The main reason they are not paying for it is because my mother's diagnosis was at age 51 and not under age 50.  She discovered her lump at age 50, but waited six months prior to going it.  It is highly likely that she had the lump prior to age 50. 

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, September 4.

Right now, it's on the books for a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy.  (They will use a test to determine which nodes correlate with the tumor the surgeon will remove those particular nodes.  They will be tested for cancer while I am still on the table.  Should they come up positive, the surgeon will remove all the nodes under my arm (axillary node dissection).  We'd like to avoid this as this can result in lymphodema later on.  If they come up negative, the surgeone will simply close me up and send me home.

Yes, I've come from a Stage IIIb breast cancer diagnosis (considered to be late stage) to a lumpectomy, outpatient (most likely) surgery.  How awesome is that?

Radiation will be needed post surgery and would be for about six weeks.  I did find out that I can choose wherever I want to have my radiation treatments, so I will go to one much closer to my home.  I have no desire to drive to San Francisco every day for six weeks.  I've been including my primary care physician on all my reports so she can refer me to a more local site.

We continue to give thanks to God for every good thing and even for the not-so-good things (as they end up working for good . . . if that makes sense!).  This journey is not over yet, but as I've said before, I'm expecting complete healing.  Complete wholeness.

I've learned a lot so far . . . need to write more about some of that . . . but one consistent thing I've learned is the gratefulness for friends all around the world.  You are absolutely AMAZING!  I would love to meet everyone who has been praying for me and my family . . . the numbers are in the thousands and they are on every continent.  I look forward to that joyful reunion in heaven (years from now!) when I can meet you all. 

There are those who have provided so much practical support.  Friends in China and friends in the US.  Financial support, food support, kid support, etc.  Today, one friend took my kids to the beach where Michael proved himself to be part fish.  He fell in love with boogie boarding.  Do I have a future surfer on my hands?  

(By the way, the kids are both enrolled in their respective schools.  The employees at the Sunnyvale School District Office were so nice and supportive and helped me every step of the way.  They were pleasantly surprised that I had every documentation I needed for their registrations (I heard them tell many people that they had to come back with necessary papers) and that definitely sped up the process.  I will be heading to the individual schools to check on what the kids need from their teachers, etc.  I also need to get Rachel's elective course (art) into her folder.)

Review of dates:
August 8 -- hope to have positive response from insurance company regarding the BRCA gene mutation tests
August 13 -- Breast MRI
August 17 -- All day pre-surgery assessment clinic and post chemo mammogram
August 21 -- Rachel's first day of school
August 22 -- Michael's first day of school
August 27 -- Pre-op appointments
September 4 -- Surgery
First week of October -- Radiation

We'll keep you informed.  Thanks again for sharing our journey.

We've been back in the United States for four weeks now and I feel that it's all been building up to tomorrow.  I have my last chemo tomorrow and to say that I'm excited is quite the understatement.

God willing, tomorrow will be the start of my final round of side effects.  Hopefully, this will be the last time I have to take steroids and stomach acid inhibitors.  Hopefully, this will be the last time I have to take prescription pain killers to deal with bone pain.  Hopefully, this will be the last time I have drug induced insomnia.  Hopefully, this is the last time for any and all the unpleasant side effects of chemotherapy.

I really shouldn't complain about them.  As I keep up with a few others who are traveling the same road, I realize how fortunate I have been.  Overall, my side effects have been relatively minimal.  Others haven't responded well to the booster shots and pain killers and they spend days and weeks struggling.  Many of them have had to have blood transfusions for severe drops in red cell counts.  I have been blessed with what I consider to be incredible energy (Watch out for me when I'm on the steroids . . . I get what I affectionately call, "the Frenzies!") and really don't get shut down too much.  Especially here in the US . . . I don't feel cooped up as I am able to get out and walk around without extreme fear of getting sick.

In fact, overall, I feel like the chemo journey has gone reasonably well.  I'm at the point where I'm asking myself, "Why me?"  Not in relation to cancer itself, but in relation to how well things have gone so far.  I ache for those whose journeys have been filled with struggle and with one disappointment after another.  I cry almost daily for my young 15-year-old cyber friend in Australia who has been moved into hospice care for osteosarcoma (a form of bone cancer).  Why couldn't she have responded as well to her cancer treatments?

There are many things I don't understand.  I truly, "see through a glass darkly."  Just when I think I might have a grasp on something, there's a wrinkle in the fabric that changes and shows me that I don't understand.  Another cyber friend (who is a friend of a friend), ten years younger than me, has the same stage and type of cancer I have and yet her cancer has metastasized to her liver and she has lots of pain and struggles in her journey.  

To put it simply, life isn't fair.  I'm expecting full healing for myself; yet, I struggle with the fact that others won't have that.  To be frank, I don't know for sure that I will either . . . but I'm expecting it.  Tomorrow's chemo is another stepping stone in that path to wholeness.

I won't pretend to understand and I know that I will struggle for understanding for a long period of time.  The role of cancer in my life will continue, long after it is gone from my body.

In the meantime, we've been catching up with friends, enjoying our time with them.  It seems strange to not find emails from them in my inbox each morning . . . but that I will see them during the day!  I've not quite adjusted to that yet. 

American life is busier than Chinese life, primarily because families have more children.  Schedules are varied as different ages have different needs.  We see that on our own calendar as we juggle an elementary school student, a middle school student, medical schedules and job hunt schedules.  We make sure we write everything down on the master calendar in the kitchen so that we know who has what going on when.

The kids' rooms are now fully furnished.  They are hoping to find posters to put on their walls at some point in time, but we haven't really seen any that they like.  Michael, however, has enjoyed putting up pages from his WWE (professional wrestling) magazine that Rachel got for him.   Pictures of their rooms are below.  Rachel's room has the white furniture while Michael's has the wood tones.

We pretty much have the house furnished.  We still need some bookshelves and a printer, but other than that, we're set.  We are very grateful for friends, Craigslist and thrift stores!

The kids are registered in school, but I'm not sure what the next steps are.  I hope to visit the schools next week (after my blood counts return to normal) to get an idea of what we should be doing.  They will start school on August 21 (Rachel) and August 22 (Michael).

We joined the ranks of minivan owners as we found a vehicle with less than 30,000 miles within the budget we had set for such a purchase.  We're already enjoying it quite a bit . . . although today will see it getting a smog test, an oil change and getting everything checked out.

We're enjoying the public library and we think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread.  It's all a matter of perspective, though.  I picked up the local newspaper and the lead story was about how antiquated the library is and how much it needs a remodel!  Different viewpoints.  When you come from a place that doesn't even have public libraries, our little local one is like manna from heaven.

Thanks for reading and listening.  More to follow.