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The end of Exodus

5/31/2013

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A brief check-in here.

Health-wise, I'm feeling great. Praise God!  I continue to have little to no pain.  I'm walking every day and I'm enjoying the beautiful weather that California is known for.

Our family from Seattle came down Memorial Day weekend (Thanks, Marco, Suzanne, Audrey, Olivia and Nathan) and we enjoyed the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and more.

Plans for June include a trip back to the Yosemite area mid-month with close friends and a trip down to the Deep South at the end of the month to see family there.

Current projects include finishing our wedding scrapbook (I finally finished the "official" album in time for our 16th wedding anniversary!) and converting the slides from my family's childhood.  That's been a fun project to work on.

I have finished writing through Exodus.  Once again, it's important to remember that I'm not a Bible scholar and that my insights to what I'm reading may not be what others see.  I do get into commentaries, but most of the time, I ask God to reveal himself to me in ways I can understand.

I've already written my impressions of the plagues.

I've waded through all the instructions about the Tent of Meeting, the Law, lampstands, lamps, incense, oils, etc.  The instructions are very, very detailed!  Nothing left to chance on how they should be built.  As I tried to understand why this was important, I learned that God used a familiar culture to the Israelites in the building of the Tabernacle and all the accessories. 

Egyptian kings had very similar tents of meetings.  They had priests/servants/officers who were the only ones who could go into their tents of meetings.  These tents of meetings (tabernacles) were very similar in design to that of the design of the Tabernacle built for God by Moses.

God met the people in a way they could understand.

They could understand the relevance of a special meeting place and the importance of designated priests serving the king.  This was familiar to them.

God made it holy.  He made it clear that *HE* was king . . . no human being lived in the Tent of Meeting.  He made his presence known through the Cloud and the Fire.

God didn't require that the Israelites rise up to meet him at his level.  He brought himself down to their level, something we see again and again and again.  Jesus Christ was the ultimate "coming down to our level" love of God.

The golden calf interlude shows the negative side of pagan influence.  It was very frustrating to me to read of those who gave up on God (who had just delivered them!) because, I, too, give up too soon.

The last chapters of Exodus goes through a seemingly endless repetition of instructions for how everything is to be built . . . again.  Some of it IS repetition because Moses destroyed the original instructions in his anger against the building of the calf.

However, much of it is not repetition.  It's more of a confirmation.  Moses had the instructions and craftsmen designed the plans and built everything.  Someone else went behind the builders and recorded exactly what was built and checked to see if it was according to the plans.

Repeatedly, the phrase, "just as God had commanded Moses" was used to complete the process.

Kind of a design confirmation. This made the last few chapters less tedious as I saw why they were used.

How does it apply to my life now?

Love one another.

Just as God commanded. 

Amen.
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Monthly check-in

5/22/2013

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A quiet journal generally means that things are going well.

I went to San Francisco for my monthly check-up yesterday.  As you know, I
had good scans last month (no new lesions, the rib lesion disappeared and mixed lytic (disease) and sclerotic (healing) lesions. The prior scan in January had no sclerotic activity, so the April scans showed improvement.

However, my carcinoembryonic antigen (CEA) tumor markers continue to rise and have now hit double digits. (The CEA is used to measure the presence and status of metastatic disease
.)  Given the current state of my disease, by definition, the CEA numbers should not be rising.  The fact that they are baffles the medical team as I am almost 100% pain free (I'm not taking any pain relievers at all), show no new symptoms and have no indications of disease progression. The best we can do is to shrug our shoulders and say, "Gonna go with what we know and be happy with the current success."  (It should be noted that CEA markers are also notoriously unreliable!)

My doctor is trying to get me into the Pfizer clinical trial for palbociclib,
taken along with letrozole (aromatase inhibitor).  This article has
easy-to-understand information about it:  http://www.empowher.com/breast-cancer/content/new-drug-advanced-breast-cancer-puts-tumor-growth-pause?page=0,0

Some of the difficulty in getting me into the trial is that they want
"first-line" treatment patients. Even though my treatment (Tamoxifen)
hasn't changed since my metastatic diagnosis, the administrators may not
consider me as a first-line patient. Additionally, bone mets only patients
aren't always desired for trials such as these because disease regression is
hard to measure. My oncologist has to present my case to the clinical trial
board for approval. (My friend who came out on May 1 thought I could possibly be a good candidate for this trial as well.)

I've been having some serious itching problems due to an adhesive reaction
after my surgery last month so now I have some good steroid topical cream to use. Hopefully, that will be gone in three days! I don't like itching!

My white blood count (WBC) remains a bit low, but no one is concerned about it. I have the approval to try taking bee pollen to see if it will improve the numbers.  There are no negative interactions with my current treatment
plan, so it won't hurt.


I got the results from the genetic tests and I'm a negative for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations.  This is very good news for Rachel as that means she will not have the mutation either and her lifetime risk for ovarian and breast cancer is the same as anyone else.  The genetics team does feel there is likely to be a hereditary factor involved (especially since my only female maternal cousin also was diagnosed with breast cancer in her mid-40's), but the exact link is not known as this time.  I have blood banked for future research and my family can access it at any time as well.

I have finished my first notebook in my Bible project.  I have copied through Exodus 37 . . . 257 1/2 pages! I had hoped to be able to fit all of Genesis and Exodus into this notebook, but alas, it's not to be!  I have three very detailed chapters to go, so those will be in a new notebook with new pens.  I'll save my overall impressions of Exodus for when I actually finish the book. (The photo is of the finished notebook on top, with my new notebook (orange)  on bottom.  I'm using the Message version of the Bible for my project, also seen in the photo.)

I continue to be grateful for each and every day of my life.  This past week has been a reflection of loss of life for many, those known to me and those known to friends of mine.  My heart aches in the entire loss experience. 

I continue to be renewed by love, both giving and receiving.  I know my love is flawed and probably comes across as conditional, but I don't mean it to be. 

May I learn to truly love as Jesus did.

Picture
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Normal

5/3/2013

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Just a quick pop-in.

I've had quite a fun and full week.  I attended a metastatic breast cancer support group on Monday, spent Wednesday with a life-long friend, attended my weekly mothers group on Thursday, had a (rushed) monthly lunch with girlfriends, attended my daughter's track meet, hung out with friends, did some writing and studying, worked on the photo project, had lunch with a local friend as well as a friend from the east coast and got my eyes examined.

By Thursday evening, I was feeling tired, but I noticed that for the first time since mid-November, the small of my back didn't have a dull ache,  I literally had zero pain at all.  I felt completely normal, leading a normal life like most people do. 

Normal.

It's nice!

As I told my friend today, I am classified as "stable."  I will continue to take daily Tamoxifen and I will continue to receive monthly bone strengthening injections.  I take daily supplements and I'm exercising most days.  I will have monthly blood checks to monitor things and I will most likely have scans in late July.

I'm continuing my journey into Exodus.  I'm not enjoying it as much as Genesis.  There's lots and lots of details and the last three chapters pretty much repeat (in excruciating detail!) three chapters that appeared a bit earlier.  I've learned a lot by studying the whys and wherefores of the book, but I will be glad when I'm finished with it.

It is still my heartfelt desire to live my life with love.  I don't want to fall into the trap of "routine," but at the same time, the entire idea of "routine" is so appealing.  Once a month visits to the doctors and that's it?  That's a routine I can embrace!
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    God's Story

    _I believe we all have a story. This blog records my story and how I've lived with breast cancer both as a primary disease and a terminal disease.  I believe this is all a part of God's story for my life. This blog unapologetically includes all areas of my life: my faith, my family and my advocacy for change in the metastatic breast cancer world.

      

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