As I wind my way through our last few days here, I find myself taking comfort in so many familiar sights.  I have always carried my camera with me to take pictures, but I haven't always used it like I wish I had.

Almost every North American I know has some sort of sling or front-carrier for their infant/toddler children.  Those aren't so common here, although, they are growing in popularity.  Most people simply carry babies/toddlers.  You don't see nearly the number of strollers that you see in North America and you NEVER see one of those complex stroller systems that comes with car seat carrier capabilities.

This woman has often caught my eye as she walks to the public square for her grandchild to play.  I've long wanted to take her picture, but never really got around to it.  However, last week, I was sitting outside waiting for someone when she came out of the building.  We chatted a minute and I asked her if I could take her picture.

There's so much that we take for granted!  This little "backpack" most likely makes it easier for her to take her grandchild down countless flights of stairs.  (Our building has ten floors, no elevator.  I don't know which floor she lives on.)  At any rate, it's a nice memory for me and it reminds me to be grateful for the many blessings in my life.  My cup truly overflows!

When one first hears that a friend or family member has cancer, one typically responds appropriately.  However, often, the listener says the first thing that comes to their mind and blurts it out without any forethought.  I really didn't mind those reactions . . . they were real and natural and in most cases, reflected fear that similar things would happen to me. 

(To be honest, I heard more about people who died from breast cancer in my first three weeks of diagnosis than I have heard since then.  It was a knee-jerk reaction for most folks to respond to the "I have breast cancer" with "Oh, no, my ______________ died of breast cancer!")

As people absorb the shock and as treatment becomes "routine," different thoughts and ideas pop out of mouths.  Here are the two most common ones:

1.  At least plastic surgery will give you new, perfect breasts!
2.  At least you will lose weight.

Okay.  Deep breath.  To be honest, I've not heard the first response as I've been pretty open about my views on plastic surgery.  However, the plastic surgery comment consistently comes out as the number one or number two thing that people will talk about as they adjust to a loved one's diagnosis. 

I most likely will NOT have plastic surgery of any kind.  I'm just not interested, regardless of whether I get a lumpectomy, mastectomy or a double mastectomy.  I'm not going to say "never" as I need to allow myself flexibility to change my mind, but from the beginning, this was just not something that I've considered.  After close to a year of treatments/surgery, etc., I really don't want any else to do with hospitals and surgical procedures.  Just not for me.  I'm okay with it and I'm okay discussing it with people.

However, the weight thing hits close to home.  Weight is a struggle for me anyway.   So, yes, the thought of losing weight (albeit, not the best way to do so), was a possible "benny" for me.

But it ain't so!  Believe it or not, many women with breast cancer (if not, most) GAIN weight while undergoing chemotherapy!  I lost about 12 pounds during the first four cycles of chemotherapy and that was okay.  However, the doctor has warned me that I could gain 20 - 30 pounds on the last four rounds!  YIKES!  I know of one friend, in particular, who is anxious to know how much weight I will end up losing while on chemo.  She has repeatedly said that "at least you will be thin when this is all over."  What is she going to think when I'm not?

The steroids I have to take to counteract allergic reactions and inflammation cause water retention and bloating. While I've gained back only five pounds,  my hands are swollen and my face is puffy.  I'm looking more round with each passing day.  (That means I'm in shape because round is a shape, right?)  I. do. not. like. this!  Vanity, thy name is Vickie!

Okay . . . it's corny and it's obnoxious.  However, it's definitely for real!

I went to the hospital for my blood check yesterday and snapped a few shots along the street.  This is maybe, a half-mile walk total.  Probably less.  Would love to read your comments about what seems "strange" or just plain "different" for you as you look through them and as you compare them to your own country.

While China is now the world's second largest economy, it's important to realize that it is still a developing nation.  We don't live in the megacities of China's eastern seaboard.  We live in a city that, until recently, seemed to be a place that time forgot.  Look for the things we take for granted in these photos . . . closed manhole covers?  Hard hats?  Safety ropes?  Steel toed shoes?  Cordoned off areas?  Safe electrical wires? Temporary housing for workers?  What do you see? 

Someone once told me that the biggest job in China was digging holes and the second biggest job was to fill them!  I believe it!  Along the same lines, though, is the idea that in order to build new shiny things, old worn things must be torn down.  Several of these photos show things being torn down as well. 

These photos could be in any city in China on any given day.  Since the country does NOT want to have its sole source of income in the manufacturing sector that depends on global economy, it is emphasizing local infrastructure.  Much has been said about China owning so much American debt, but little has been said about China's drowning in internal debt to fund all this construction.

Oh, and my blood counts were fine!  I'm free to be out and about with people!

When I first came to China back in 1989, I must admit that I was appallingly short on information about the country.  I tended to think of it in terms of adjectives such as "exotic," "alluring," "mysterious," and the like.  And all those words were true . . . to some degree . . . along with a whole lot of other descriptions!

Fast forward 20+ years and I find that many people still have the same general ideas about the country.  Images of idyllic little villages with the sounds of wafting pipe music tend to fill one's imagination.

Reality is very different.  My current city in northwest China is a stack of skyscrapers (most of which are apartments) that line a very long river.  It's surrounded by mountains so air tends to just settle at the "bottom of the bowl" and our pollution levels are rather high.  (Although, I must admit, the air quality wasn't too bad on the day these photos were taken.)

However, images like this don't just pop up overnight.  Well, wait a minute . . . maybe they do!

The pictures below are views from our bedroom window when we first moved into our apartment in August 2007.  We had a somewhat clear view of the distant hills and we had a large pile of cardboard recycling that happened in the empty lot in front of the building being constructed behind us.

As time marched on (as it tends to do), the view began to change.  The building behind us was finished, but more skyscraping apartment buildings popped up to block our scenery.

After the tents were taken down, a groundbreaking ceremony was held to completely dig up the lot.  The ceremony included firecrackers and bringing out the big machines.

And the digging began.  And kept going and going and going . . . all hours of the night!

Eventually, a 20-foot pit was dug and a foundation was begun.  Most of the big machines disappeared and a crane was built on site.  This past Sunday (June 24), the framework celebration was held at 8:30 a.m., complete with more machines and more firecrackers.

Thus concludes a small pictorial over the "peace and quiet" of a developing China.  The construction seen outside my window is EVERYWHERE and it never ends.  The workers work all night long with blinding spotlights.  There is no peace to be found.

Art has come with me to half my trips to Hong Kong.  We are both extremely grateful for all the help that we were given in that city and for the numerous friends we have there.  These are only a few of them.

Mike and Gloria . . . Mike offered his home to Art and me after meeting us one time!  He very graciously allowed us to take over his guest room and his guest bathroom for a week while we waded through diagnosis and first treatments.  He even cooked dinner for us on Valentine's Day!  His girlfriend, Gloria, joined us.

Unimed Medical Institute.  Highly recommend!

Only a few of the many helpful medical staff members at Unimed.

Dr. Louis WC Chow.  A highly qualified surgical oncologist.  I couldn't recommend anyone else.  He knows what he is doing and very obviously cares for his patients.

My beloved friend, Sue who now lives in Hong Kong.  Sue was one of the first people I met in China back in 1989.  A cancer survivor herself, Sue has been a spiritual advisor, and cancer consultant.  She has been a true friend every step of the way.  While we are sad that it took cancer to reunite us like this, we are both grateful for the new stage our friendship is in.

Holly and I met in California when our children were babies.  We would have never thought that we would reunite in Hong Kong!  Holly moved to Washington State about the same time I moved to China, so we had lost track of each other.  Once again, sad that it took the cancer to reunite us, but grateful for new life in friendship.  Holly has been extremely gracious and welcoming each and every time I've been in HK.

Jim and XR.  Jim . . . long-time friend and brother!  He and Art have been friends for more years than I know.  Jim has helped with transportation logistics, met me at the airport, fed me, etc.  I was very happy to meet his fiancee . . . they are getting married in October.  Art will be best man at their wedding.

Suzanne . . . long time friend in Shenzhen.  We frequently spoke to each other and she was able to come into the city to meet me for lunch.  Very gracious, very loving and a woman with a huge heart for God and a huge heart for the young women of China.

Diane is a new friend, referred by Joan.  Diane was diagnosed with cancer in HK around November of last year.  Her treatment plan includes surgery first, followed by chemo and radiation.  She is a delightful woman of God and we enjoyed our visit with each other.

I have always loved the city of Hong Kong.  While some call it a crowded little place, I call it a location of respite.  It has lots of green, lots of water and lots of different foods!  I've been here numerous times in the past and for the first time, I don't know when I'm going to be back.

I've traveled to Hong Kong eight times since January.  For a while there, my stomach would clench as I crossed the border and I could start to smell chemo drugs, even though I was nowhere near the doctor's office.  I still have that slight reaction, but it's lessened quite a bit.

I was afraid that my impression of Hong Kong would change as the result of my cancer.  However, it hasn't.  The meaning of the city has deepened for me.  I can't post my photos I've taken this time as I don't know how to do so on my new little netbook, but I'll write a follow-up post on it back in China.

I am blessed with beloved friends in/near this city.  Sue, Holly, Suzanne, Jim, XR, Diane, the Swatow Baptist Church in TST and of course, the entire medical staff at Unimed.  How many people have a cancer doctor who is praying for them and who gives you a hug as you take your case to another country?  More about that later.

So on this last morning in Hong Kong, I just want to say farewell.  I don't know when I'll be back, but I hope it's not too long.  I love this city and I love the people here.

Hong Kong, you've been a blessing and you are integral in my journey to healing.

We went to the post office on Saturday with 11 large boxes to ship to America.  I had been dreading this event (I haven't had the best experiences at the post office) and had asked everyone to pray about it.  Let me tell you . . . the prayers were answered!  The two young women were so kind and gracious and extremely helpful.  They were grateful that I had filled in the forms has much as possible.  They were grateful that we brought in two native speakers to help us out.  We did everything they asked us to do without questioning them.  We checked with them to make sure we were doing everything correctly.  We worked with them to move the boxes (weighing from 13 - 28 kilograms) and to put them in the post office bags.  In other words, we did everything possible to make their job easier.  (It helped that I had researched what could and couldn't be shipped.  I told them that I had gone online to check and they appreciated that.  Another American came in with a large suitcase to pack and ship and most of his items were not allowed to be shipped as they were all glass and electronics . . . non-shippable items.  One of the women looked at me and raised her eyebrows and I said, "He must not have checked with what was allowed."  She emphatically said, "No, he did not!"  She then proceeded to ignore him!)

At the end of the 2.5 hours, I gave the two young women some bracelets as a thank you gift.  They didn't want to take them, but I smiled and left the bag on the counter, saying thank you all the while.  I waved and walked out.  About an hour later, I received a thank-you text from them as they got my number off the shipping labels. 

For those who found this entry via a search engine on shipping from China to America, there are the shipping limitations:

NO electronics (cell phones, cameras, computers, MP3/MP4, batteries), no glass (including packaged tea sets), no medicines, no liquids, no cosmetics, no firearms, no swords/knives, no flammable items.

Costs:  SURFACE MAIL (slowest boat):  85 yuan for the first kilogram; 20 yuan for each additional kilogram.  The large boxes cost 12 yuan each and the shipping label cost 2.5 yuan.  There was an 8 yuan fee for the shipping bag.  Insurance and registration are extra.  We expect our boxes to show up in 2-3 months.  Many post offices will not allow you to pack your boxes at home, but if you explain ahead of time like we did, they will sell you the boxes and warn you not to seal them prior to arrival.

Open boxes in our home.  Contents had to be inspected at the post office, so this is how we brought them to the post office.  I used my yarn as packing material . . . environmentally friendly!

We hired a truck from a crew of day workers across the street.  There's no way we could have brought the boxes to the post office ourselves!

These guys are two of Art's students and they were extremely helpful in the entire process!  They helped with the manual labor of carrying those boxes down seven flights of stairs and then unloading them off the truck.  They helped with translation when needed and helped seal and label all the boxes.

The two ladies in the background were simply amazing! 

Each box is placed into a cloth bag and crimped shut.  This helps protect the box from damage.  It will most likely be removed from the bag when it leaves the ship at the US port of entry.  After that, the box will probably be extremely damaged by the US postal system!  :)

The United States had the Baby Boomers and Generation X and Generation Y.  The current generation has yet to be labeled, although, I keep hearing the term "Post-modern" being used.  Yesterday, someone introduced me to the term, "Millennium" generation.

China's current generation is known as the "Lost Generation."  For a more in-depth article on this generation, you can read Time magazine's piece at http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1820796,00.html 

However, this is a story about one of my students. 

Snow White was exposed to pornographic films by her grandfather at age four.  She started acting out the films with playmates at age five.  Her parents owned and operated an "entertainment venue" (prostitution ring) when she was eight.  Her father had frequent affairs and her mother was frequently told that she was just not "beautiful enough" to keep him faithful.  (In other words, the affairs were the mother's "fault.")

Both parents moved out of the house when Snow White was 12.  They took her brother with them.  All of this was done in the name of making money.  There were job opportunities elsewhere and the parents were going after them with everything they had.  They provided money, but she was solely responsible for herself.  She had to buy and prepare her own food, take care of the home, take care of her own clothing and go to school and maintain the top grades that were demanded of her.

When her parents called home, they would ask, "Do you miss us?"  Snow White was so angry at them for the life they fostered upon her, that she said, "NO!  I don't miss you and I don't want you to ever come back."

Her parents response to this was to berate her for being "non-filial."  She was repeatedly told how she was an ungrateful daughter and how she didn't appreciate everything that was being done for her.  As a high school senior, Snow White was threatened by a teacher and she asked her father to step in and defend her.  Her dad replied, "Who do you think I am?  I don't have enough status and power to go against this teacher!  You are in the wrong!  Whatever this teacher has accused you of is true."

The "guanxi" network of China is hard to explain.  I'll just sum it up as saying bribery is a common defense against accusations and truth is seldom the goal.  The dad was probably right in saying that he didn't have enough status and power because he hadn't "invested" in those things on his daughter's behalf during her growing up years.  He was also probably not willing to bribe the teacher to drop charges against Snow White.

When Snow White took her college entrance exam (the sole criteria used to determine which university you go to), she was deemed a "failure" when she didn't make high enough scores to get into her top choice.  She came to our university here in the northwest and slept her way through her first two years of school.

As a freshman, Snow White became sexually active.  She skipped most of her classes during that year, trying to find the love and approval she missed during her growing up years.  She repeated this behavior throughout her sophomore year as well.

As a junior, Snow White became a follower of Jesus.  God turned her life around and she is making great headway.  She struggles with guilt and she struggles with forgiveness.  She feels quite unable to forgive her parents and she doesn't want to see them.  However, she is still financially dependent upon them.  She is still told that she is not a good daughter.  She feels second fiddle to her brother.

She feels so lost.  As a translation major, she feels that her chances for a good job are very slim.  Unemployment of college graduates is quite high, although, under-reported by the government.   She is afraid of the future because it appears to be based on shifting sands.  The rapid growth of China has resulted in moral chaos (as evidenced by her parents' actions, all done in the pursuit of "the good life").  Corruption is everywhere, leaking into every aspect of life.

She is already being pressured by her parents to find someone to marry.  A single woman in China is of no value.  Women are expected to find their spouses while in college, although, they are not expected to marry them until a few years after graduation.  A female graduate without an "arrangement" is deemed another failure.

This isn't so different than our fairy tales.  After all, wasn't the fabled "Snow White" fulfilled only when her Prince Charming woke her from her sleep?  Aren't all the Disney princesses "rescued" by a Prince Charming? 

My Snow White says, "I have no control over my future."  I trust no one because all the people I have trusted in the past have let me down.  Trust is useless.  My future depends upon whether or not I go to graduate school and that depends on my parents.  My parents want me to be a "good" daughter, but I don't even know what that means anymore.  They didn't love me as a child . . . why should I love them as an adult?  I have no desire to care for them when they are old.  I shall abandon them as they abandoned me."

"There is no hope for people like me.  We are told one thing, but shown another.  Words don't match actions.  Even our jobs aren't dependent on our actions and skills. Getting a good job is more about who you know . . . or who your parents know." 

A lost generation.  Go back and read Time's article.  It's not very long and it describes many of Snow White's feelings.

Pain is a funny experience in that it humbles you to your most basic existence.  There's no pretense in pain . . . unless you're able to pretend to not being in pain!  I remember back when I had my ingrown toenail operated on.  After the procedure, I was able to calmly talk to the doctor, but as soon as he left the room, I would wince and tell my friend, "My toe really hurts!"  She would laugh at me (or with me) because I would be so calm when the doctor was in the room (putting on a brave face), but then let it all hang loose when he left.  Sigh.  I wonder why I felt the need to pretend?  Perhaps, because he had already heard me complain enough at the beginning of the procedure when it really, really hurt and I held nothing back in letting him know how much it hurt!

I have a relatively high pain tolerance.  After my Caesarian section deliveries for both children, I only needed Tylenol for pain relief.  I felt like I had a rug burn, not major surgery.  The only time in my life that I've felt harsh pain was when I first got braces as an adult and when I experienced intense headaches with the adjustments.

This time last week found me in extreme pain.  I hadn't slept more than two hours a night for three days.  The side effects of the new chemo drug had set in, making it impossible for me to sleep and making it possible for me only to feel wave after wave of pain sweep over me.  When a fever set in as well, the pain worsened and some pretty dark hours followed.  I was even willing to go to a Chinese hospital emergency room and that says a lot.  (The reason my doctor here didn't want to take me to the ER is because of the lack of control over what drugs would be given.)

I wrote my second pain chapter last Sunday night and Monday night was my time of deepest crisis.  While I feel I was honest in what I wrote, I don't feel I was honest enough.  The rawness of those night hours on Monday will not be easily forgotten.  Being stripped down to basic function failure is being completely dependent upon others.  Trying to make it to the bathroom to vomit and failing . . . resulting in vomiting in the middle of the living room floor . . . and hearing my son cry as a result of his seeing his mother in such a state is not something that will soon leave me.

I've always wanted to be able to say that Art didn't have to clean up my vomit.  He's never had to before now and it felt humiliating that he had to do so.  

I never wanted my children to see me so helpless.  They heard me cry in pain and they saw me on my hands and knees in the middle of the living room floor.  They saw their dad and the doctor pick me up and put me on a chair and wipe my head and face wet cool cloths to try to cool me down.  They are learning about cancer in an up close and personal way.

But more than learning about cancer, they are learning about our dependence on God.  Not only did they see the things I've described, they've seen and heard Art's and my cries out to God for relief.  We pray constantly . . . both in and out of our children's presence.  They know our faith is not just lip service and they see us putting our faith on the line all the time.  There's nothing like being stripped bare of pretenses that shows how real things are.

Things turned around very rapidly when the fever and pain broke on Tuesday morning.  It truly was a 180 degree difference . . . I couldn't believe I was the same woman!  We KNOW it was the power of prayer that made the difference as we had sent a prayer SOS around the world. 

It's not done yet.  I had my blood counts checked on Tuesday and they indicated that I was past nadir (low point), but that I had an active infection somewhere.  Since I no longer had a fever, the hospital lab didn't want to do a urine test.  I continued taking antibiotics for skin infections since I had three swollen pimples/broken hair follicles on my head.  Once again, such little things, but responsible for my infection?  Not so sure.  My neck lymph nodes had been swollen through Monday night, but were normal on Tuesday.

I returned to the hospital for another blood test on Saturday.  The numbers were still indicating an infection.  However, by then, I was having nasal congestion and blowing yellow snot.  (Sorry . . . graphic language . . . but at least it gives you an accurate picture!)  I was having lightheadedness and headaches, similar to previous chemo cycles, which were attributed to stress.  However, I've never had blood numbers like these in previous cycles, so my antibiotics were switched to some that could deal with respiratory infections as well as skin infections.  

It's interesting . . . the recommended minimum dose for this new antibiotic is 250 mg.  The doctor has me on 750 mg.  The capsules I take are only 100 mg each, so that means one day, I have to take eight capsules and the next day I have to take seven!  The general belief in Chinese culture that the more pills you take, the better the treatment.  While the total dosage is the same as elsewhere, the placebo affect of "more pills" is met as well.

So here I am . . . with another infection . . . on more antibiotics.  I do ask that you continue to pray that my body can handle the assault being placed upon it.  I'm also struggling with insomnia again, although, at least there is no pain this time around.  I can sleep for about two hours at a time and then I'm wide awake.  I go ahead and get up because my tossing and turning disturbs Art.  I putz on the computer, read, knit or watch TV a bit and then head back to bed after two or more hours.  I think that overall, in a 24-hour time period, I'm probably getting enough sleep, but just in strange sleep patterns.

We need to finish packing the shipping boxes this week and get them to the post office next Saturday.  We are asking for grace and patience on the part of the postal workers as we ship out a dozen or more large boxes.  We are going to set up an appointment with them and try to do as much as possible before we get there.  We are not allowed to seal the boxes until we are at the post office and we have to provide an itemized list of what's in each box.  I'm being fairly general in the paperwork (i.e., clothes 20 pieces) rather than listing each specific item.  From what I understand, this should be okay, but please be remembering us as we go through this process.  Bureaucracy is no fun in any language or in any country.

We remain unfailingly grateful for all the support we are receiving from around the world.  As we go through each day we realize that we are abundantly blessed in so many ways.