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Fearfully and wonderfully made

4/29/2012

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I just finished an amazing book by Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey.  Bearing the title, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, these two men compare how the human body can be beautifully compared to the Body of Christ.  Written in 1980, this book carefully points out how wonderful the human body is . . . and how wonderful the Body of Christ should be.  

Dr. Brand, a world-renowned hand surgeon and leprosy specialist, often marvels at how the body works.  He goes through chapters on cells, bones, skin and motion, without making the reader feel like a student in a biology class.  He never seems to abandon his child-like fascination with the human body and its operations.

Having breast cancer has pointed out to me what happens when cells declare "mutiny" and do things they are not supposed to do.  Receiving chemotherapy is showing me how little things challenge our immune systems every day and we don't even notice.  There are many things we take for granted about our bodies.

Right now, I seem to have a random infection in my body.  I'm taking supplements to boost my immune system.  I have eliminated almost all refined sugar from my diet (sugar wreaks havoc on your immune system!).  I try to eat 5-10 vegetable servings a day and I'm working on eating more fruit.  I'm up to one apple a day (but it's not keeping the doctor away!).  I just don't like fruit very much.  (Once I'm stateside, I'll start juicing fruits to make them easier to eat.)

Two weeks ago, I got a cold sore in my nose.  It's bad enough to get cold sores in/around your mouth . . . but the nose?  Yuk!  I didn't think much of it . . . there are many cases of chemo having this side effect.  I put neosporin on it and took ibuprofin.

On Thursday, I noticed that I had a painful lump (swollen lymph nodes) in my left armpit.  Had a doctor look at it and she said it was probably related to my nose sore (which is almost well).  I have been treating the armpit with heat compresses (as recommended) and with ibuprofin.  It got bigger instead of smaller so I contacted the doctor again.

I had my blood checked and everything there looks okay.  However, since I am scheduled for chemo on Friday, the doctor decided to put me on antibiotics to tackle whatever is going on.  I don't want my chemo delayed again!  This is the halfway point and I want to have it on schedule!

We never really think about our armpits!  They serve as part of our body's air conditioners, but other than that?  Gotta admit that I give them little thought.  Right now, though, I'm thinking about it all the time!  I want it to heal and be well and to be "not-thought-of" again.  If this isn't noticeably improved by Tuesday, then it could delay my departure for Hong Kong (I'm supposed to leave on Wednesday).
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That little tiny sore  in the nose (which, actually used to be much larger) is probably the culprit of this infection.  (Don't you just love the dark circles under my eyes?  Very hereditary in my family!)

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Thursday, April 26.  Looks like a little pimple with a bit of swelling.  Tender to the touch, but not too painful.

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Sunday, April 29.  OUCH!  Now, it really hurts!  Hopefully, the antibiotics will kick in right away.  (Also, I have not shaved since the beginning of March!  Yes, there are benefits to losing hair!)

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Not-so-despicable-me

4/26/2012

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I taught my three elementary classes yesterday and had a blast!  It was so fun to be back with them.  Last semester, I used video book of the months in my lessons (The Foodie Books by Joane Roach) and I showed a new one yesterday.

These books features characters in a garden, so our vocabulary included various names of fruits and vegetables.  The moral of the story was saying sorry when you hurt someone.

I went on to show the trailer for Despicable Me 2.  I asked the students to identify the fruit and the vegetable mentioned in the trailer.  The kids absolutely LOVED the video and they HOWLED with laughter (see above photo).  We then talked about the consequences of the actions at the end.

In case you haven't seen the trailer . . . here it is!

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Mommy, I like it when you are feeling better!

4/23/2012

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My husband is an amazing man!  During the days when my blood counts are too low (resulting in a compromised immune system), he picks up lunch and dinner on a regular basis.  I don't ask him to go to the vegetable market or the meat market as it's out of his way and he's already doing so much to support all of us.  Chinese takeout works great for the family.

However, today, with my counts at an "almost" normal level, I immediately took off to the market.  I haven't made a salad in quite some time and I was determined to do so today.  I had a major craving!

Spinach leaves, celery, cucumbers, white radishes, red cherry tomatoes, yellow cherry tomatoes, red pepper, green onions all made for an amazing salad!  As I prepped it, I remembered why I don't do so more often . . . it took me an hour-and-a-half to get it ready and it didn't even fill the entire bowl. 

One cannot drink the water in China.  It just isn't safe to do so.  We drink bottled water (delivered in 20-liter bottles) and we boil water quite frequently.  When it comes to washing vegetables, we use tap water if the veggies are going to be cooked and bottled water if they are going to be eaten raw. 

For the salad, I washed everything but the spinach leaves in bottled water.  For the spinach, I used tap water because I needed to get all the dirt off, but then I dried EVERY SINGLE LEAF by hand!  I then tore the leaves (wasn't baby spinach) and sliced all the other vegetables.  I made my own Italian dressing (3/4 oil, 1/4 cup vinegar, 3/4 teaspoon salt, 3/4 teaspoon Italian seasoning, 3/4 teaspoon sugar, dash of pepper, dash of dry mustard if desired) and voila!  Salad was done.

I made spaghetti to go with this "All American meal."  Art and the kids had sauce on their noodles (made from lamb meat and homemade sauce), but intense tomato flavored items now give me heartburn.  I ate plain noodles with Parmesan cheese on it.  I was too lazy to grate the mozzarella cheese for protein.

The kids ate with gusto, with Michael giving the title of today's post:  "Mommy, I sure do like it when you are feeling better!  I miss your cooking!"   Art had no idea I had planned such a meal so when he came home to find it waiting for him, he gave a heartfelt sigh of contentment.  "That really hit the spot."

We ate sliced apples for dessert.  Life is very, very good!  Simple pleasures warm our hearts.  When I was able to join the family for lunch out today, Michael also said, "We have a good family life."

Yes, we do.
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Social Media

4/22/2012

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Like it or not, social media is very much a part of the 21st century.  People are updating, tweeting, digging, yelping, etc.,  all about their lives . . . and nothing is private anymore.

A thousand years from now, I wonder what we will have to reflect our society.  Broken computer chips that contain only bits and bytes of people's stories?

Ebooks are selling more than hardbacks (probably has something to do with how expensive hardbacks are!).  How long will it be before ebooks sell more than paperbacks?  I'm hearing that some schools already have students using ebooks instead of textbooks.

Recently, I downloaded a 35-page autobiography of a beloved author.  It took me a week to read it.  I don't own an ebook reader of any kind, so I read it on my computer.  It was agony.  The electronic format made it hard to follow.  Since I was still "quarantined" due to my last chemo, I couldn't run out to the print shop to get it printed.

I believe it's now becoming more "cool" to NOT have Facebook than it is to have it.  I was a kicker and screamer in joining Facebook, but I am a convert.  Facebook is perfect for someone like me.  I still draw the line at Twitter, though!

I live abroad and FB has allowed me to keep in touch with friends from around the world in an easy manner.  I don't believe doing so has prohibited me from maintaining face-to-face relationships right where I am.  Due to the time difference, I'm usually on FB in the mornings and evenings . . . the bookends of my day.  I don't really interact on FB with people that I see regularly . . . it's with those I don't see that I keep up with the most.

FB has become even more integral in my communication since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  The support I am receiving from all walks of my life has been invaluable to me.  I am in touch with some of my earliest friends and we have been able to support each other through thick and thin.

Because I live in an area where a quick response to a medical emergency could be challenging, I keep myself quarantined after each chemotherapy cycle until my blood counts are back to normal.  Having FB (and other things) to communicate with people has been very important to me.  It keeps me from going more stir-crazy than I already am.

There are many parts of social media that I don't understand.  It seems people take a lot of pictures and instantly post them rather than just enjoying the moment.  It's almost like people enjoy being an observer more than being a participant. 

I don't understand all the games.  Each time FB makes an update, I find I have to go back and reset all the settings to block the games postings from all the games players.  You know who you are!  :)

And the quotes and sayings and "copy and paste this status" . . . !  I REALLY don't understand those!  It seems that many want to be philosophical, but they choose the most random things to be philosophical about.  Musings from a starlet who committed suicide aren't exactly inspiring to me!

But all in all, Facebook has been good for me.  It's free, so I shouldn't complain about any of it.  I have control over my computer and how much time I spend on it.  However, I do wonder about the one friend who posts when he is going to take a nap!  Wait . . . I've done the same thing! 

I'm grateful for you all.  Thanks for following my story through FB, emails, phone calls, blogs and face-to-face interaction.  They're all good!
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Pink happiness on a bush

4/16/2012

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Every year, I breathlessly wait for this bush to bloom.  I have NO idea what kind of flower it is . . . the generic Chinese term for it is "peach blossom," even though it's most definitely NOT a peach blossom. 

At any rate, it's near our building and over a period of about two weeks, I can watch the bush develop from tiny buds to full buds to full bloom.  Last week, it started to bloom and I just had to take pictures of it, yet again.  I take pictures every year.  The flowers look the same from year to year, but the joy of seeing them and the excitement of watching them return after a barren winter is just overwhelming.  I love that pink bush and I will miss it tremendously when we leave.

See?  I haven't sworn off everything pink!
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Round 3 -- Complete!

4/15/2012

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Quick post since I know that everyone is not on Facebook!

I had the stitches taken out of my toe on Friday and had my third cycle of chemotherapy immediately afterwards.  The doctor added a stronger anti-nausea med to the mix of drugs and praise God, it's working!  While I feel quite queasy, I haven't vomited at all.  I've also been able to brush my teeth without triggering the gag reflex. 

If this goes anything like the first round, I should feel relatively "normal" by day 5.  (Today, 4/15, is considered day 2.)  I'll still have to have my blood counts checked after a week and I'll still have to keep a rather low profile until then.

Art came down to Hong Kong to pick me up and it was nice to have him there.  Simply walking made me feel motion sickness, so it was great for him to be there to roll my little bag along and to just sit with me even though I didn't feel like talking.

We're both home and I'm sleeping a lot.

God is good, all the time!
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How can you be so happy?

4/10/2012

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Roxi looked at me with a puzzled look on her face.  “How can you be so happy?” she asked.  “I don’t understand.  You have late stage cancer, but here you are, sitting with me, laughing and having a good time.  I don’t get it.”

“Roxi, how should I be acting?”

“Well, if it were me, I think I’d be crying.  I don’t think I’d leave my house at all.  In fact, my uncle has leukemia and he never goes out.  He just stays home all the time.  He may never work again and he is depressed all the time.  I don’t think he’ll live very long.  He’s never happy and everyone is very worried about him.”

“Roxi, I understand your confusion.  You’re right . . . I may not live very long.  However, I am alive right now and I have a good life, right now!  Why should I give up today just because I might not be alive tomorrow?”

I went on to ask Roxi what she would do with her life if she were told that she had only one year left to live.  She gave some of the standard answers of doing the things she’s always wanted to do and of making her parents happy.  She then got a bit silent.

“I don’t know what I’d do.  I’ve never really thought about it.  I’m only 21 years old, so I’m not supposed to die anytime soon.  But I look at you and I think, ‘She’s not supposed to have breast cancer’ and I realize that I really don’t know my future.”

China just celebrated Qing Ming Jie, Tomb Sweeping Day.  It’s a bit like Memorial Day in the United States, but goes a bit further.  Some would say that it’s a day of worshiping ancestors (and there is a lot of bowing that goes on at cemeteries), but others would say that it’s a day of remembering those who have gone before us. 

One of the most common traditions of Qing Ming Jie is that of burning paper money (spirit money . . . and no, it’s not real) and paper items for those in the afterlife to use.  People burn paper cars, paper houses, paper cell phones and as of late, paper computers and paper iPads!  There are jokes on the internet talking about how Great Grandpa won’t know how to use an iPad, but that Steve Jobs can teach him!

The traditional Chinese belief of an afterlife is a bit complicated to understand.  There are stories of heaven and hell, but not many folktales include a supreme God.  There are many small gods and the legends reflect the lives of the gods similar to Greek and Roman mythology.  Lots of bickering and fighting!

But what Qing Ming Jie really shows me is that this complex society has a longing for permanence and a desire for life to have meaning beyond that which we have here on Earth. 

Many people talk of China’s rapid rise over the past thirty years and questions are now being raised as to what the true cost of this rise has been.  Money and getting rich has been the obsession of so many for so long that those who now have money are beginning to ask, “Is this all there is?”  “What’s next?” is another common question.  As people obtain more wealth, they find that material goods are costing more and more.  I’ve heard many a student complain that their education teaches them nothing but how to take a test, only to see those who didn’t go on to university achieve the dream of owning a car and a home rather than racking up debt to go to school.

As I talked with Roxi, she shared how as an upcoming graduate with a bachelor’s degree in English, that she will be unable to find a job.  One strike against her is that she went to the equivalent of a community college (not well respected in Chinese culture) and another strike is that she doesn’t have a master’s degree (yet).  She, along with every other job seeker in China, says, “We pretend we are looking for jobs.  What we are actually doing is seeing how strong our network is and if anyone in our network or, more commonly, in our parents’ network, knows of any jobs that we can pay our way into.”

Much has been said of the spiritual vacuum in modern Chinese culture.  People don’t typically help each other unless they are immediate family or unless the favor can be returned (thus, building a stronger network).  Death is an avoided topic and people are noticeably uncomfortable with me when I bring it up.

Roxi is a “foreign teacher junkie.”  As an English major, she goes after each new foreign teacher with gusto, learning what she can, further developing her network.  She doesn’t go to my university, but she heard about me four years ago and regularly visited my office hours.  We’ve had many conversations over the past four years, though nothing with any major depth.

The idea of “forever” isn’t talked about much, either.  Roxi and I were sitting at a table that was one meter by one meter in size.  There was a scratch on one corner of the table.  I told her that the scratch represented our lives here on Earth . . . a mere sliver of time . . . and that the rest of the edge of the table represented “forever.” 

“Roxi, what will you do with your forever?”

She looked me in the eye and said, “I’ve never thought about it.  I always thought that the idea of “forever” was a Western thing, but I guess that’s not true.  (We had just finished talking about Qing Ming Jie.)  I’ve talked to lots of foreigners about God and I believe God is destiny.  That everyone eventually gets to God, somehow.”

“Well, if you believe that God is “destiny,” then what you are really saying is that God is your destination.  Now, if you were to plan a trip to the capital city, wouldn’t you plan how you were going to get there?  If you are planning on God being your destination, then how are you going to get there?”

“Roxi, exactly what do you want out of life?  Is getting a master’s degree and getting a job good enough?  What do you want your life to mean to you?”

Roxi replied, “No one’s ever asked me these questions!  I don’t know how to answer them.”

“You don’t have to answer them now.  I’d like you to go home and think about this.  Do some research.  Write down the words and ideas that come to you as you think about the topic.  Do this in Chinese . . . you can translate it to English later on.  Really ponder on ‘the meaning of life’ and the idea of ‘forever.’  Remember, ‘forever’ begins now . . . not later!  I’m going to contact you in two weeks to see how your project is going and we’ll talk more then.”

“Vickie, you’re really comfortable with ‘forever,’ aren’t you?  You’re not afraid of leaving the ‘right now’ and moving into ‘forever’.  I can’t wait for us to meet again so that we can talk more about this.”

Cancer.  It’s amazing how living with a possibly terminal disease can erase the “taboo barriers” and blow open previously closed doors.  Praise God!

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Celebration of Life!

4/8/2012

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Easter . . . celebration of life!  There's no other holiday that even comes close to what Easter means to me.  I have a new life, day-by-day, and having cancer has made that realization very real to me.

I WILL die one day . . . there is no doubt about that.  All of us will die.  Some of us (myself included), may die sooner than we think we should.  However, as each day brings us "closer to glory," we should look at how we should live.

I have lots of thoughts about that . . . and will write more about them another time.  Today, I want to focus on humor.  Laughter is indeed, good for the soul!  I do believe that Jesus had many belly-shaking moments of laughter with his friends on earth.

Without any further ado . . . I give you . . . the decorated egghead!
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Knitting Fun!

4/4/2012

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I love to knit!  I'm not very good at it and I've only mastered the art of flat objects, but I still love it.  I love creating art in my hands and I love the feel of the yarn as it slides through my fingers.  I especially love all the colors of yarns out on the market.

I can't begin to tell you anything about the weight of yarns or types of needles, etc.  Here in China, you tell the shop keeper what you are wanting to make and they tell you if your yarn will work for that project and how much you will need.  They'll tell you the size needles you need to use. 

No one uses patterns!  It's a "master" driven art . . . you learn from those who have already conquered your project.  Knitting shops only hire those who knit.  You don't have to pay for a class . . . you just go and sit in the shop and the master will teach you what you need to know.  You return when you hit a snag or when you are ready for the next step of the project.

I've not done anything complicated, but I have sat and watched these artists at work.  They are truly amazing.

I'm including some photos of my "spectacular" flat objects.  Don't ask for any technical details because I won't be able to answer the questions!  The names of the pieces are purely my own. 
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Easter Egg.  I started and finished this one during my recent six days in Hong Kong.  It's a self-ruffling yarn and since I didn't lay it flat to knit (the yarn was in a ball), the scarf itself is in a spiral as well.  Totally cool!  Yarn cost $1.50 US.

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I love the colors!  This is a simple 6-stitch scarf, knit every row.

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Rachel loves all the scarves I make and begs to wear them!  She wore this one to school today.

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Springtime Confetti.  I knit this one up during our initial trip to Hong Kong in January.  I picked up the yarn in the city that we had a few hours layover.  It cost the same as the Easter Egg yarn . . . $1.50 US!

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This is a wool blend yarn with some ribbon yarn.  I did a simple rib stitch with a long fringe.

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Ocean's Deep.  I started this scarf in November and made it for the "Art of my Heart" for his Christmas gift.  I didn't finish it until January, though!  This is knit in what's called a "moss stitch" and I was less than impressed with how hard it was for me to keep track of the way it was stitched.  I do like how it turned out, though.  However, Art has yet to wear it because when we returned from Hong Kong, the weather was too warm!

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I can't remember the exact cost of the yarn, but I believe was no more than $5.00 US.  (Yarn in my city is super cheap!)

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Opal Fire.  I actually finished this shawl last year, but never tucked in all the loose ends until last month!  Sigh.  This is knit in a seed stitch (easier than the moss stitch!) and can be worn with or without the closing pin.  Cost of yarn was  $4.60 US.  The pin cost $4.00 US.  I plan on giving it to a friend here on my campus.

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Saved Every Day

4/1/2012

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Most of you know the role of my faith in my life.  It's never been a secret and I'm more open than ever!

I am blessed to have friends from many different belief systems.  Buddhists, Muslims, Jews, Agnostics, Atheists, Christians (Catholic and Protestant), Daoists, Materialists, etc. all make up a part of my friendship circle.  Many of my friends in China would be called "Traditionalists" in that they don't really follow a belief system at all, but have respect for the traditions of the land.

I'm going to write a bit about the public image of Christians.  I'm not really sure about the role of politics and religion, so I'm going to stay out of that arena.  However, I wanted to share from an email I recently received from a friend.  She is not a Christian and she wrote this after a week-long visit from a Christian friend.
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The reason for this vent is the hypocrisy.  I find him to be a Christian in theory, but not in practice.  He is quick to judge and continually makes rude, racist and/or sexist comments about people.   "Not being a good Christian," I would say to such remarks and he would reply that Jesus had a sense of humor.  "But did Jesus belittle people?  This is your field of expertise you tell me?"  No clear answer.

I told him of another Christian friend of mine who is challenging for a number of reasons.  And as one former fellow co-worker of ours once said of her, "I can take her in small doses."  So, this house guest asked why I put up with her, implying that I should dump her.  I tried to explain that in spite of her salient flaws, she has the biggest and purest heart of anyone I know.  She is a good person and would help me or anyone out if we just ask.  I feel somewhat sorry for her, and have an odd sense of responsibility to be her friend, for I feel she needs one like me.  And let me tell you, she taxes my tolerance level.  My house guest said he wouldn't be bothered with her.

I then challenged him.  "Who am I to question your 'Christian' behavior, as I am not one, but I don't think you are a very good Christian, by the way you easily dismiss people."   He joked that perhaps I am part of the Lord's mission to help him find a better way.

So there you have it.  He has accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and thus, is a Christian.  Whatever.
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My friend's email made me sad.  You see, whenever we identify ourselves as "something," then like it or not, we become an ambassador for that label.  This is true for labels we have little to no control over (gender, race, nationality are to name a few) but is especially true for labels we choose (faith and career choices).  I've learned quite a bit about perceptions and judgment merely by being an American citizen living abroad.  In case you didn't know it, Americans don't have a very good reputation in many parts of the world!

My friend encountered an "ambassador" for Christianity and she was left wondering why in the world would anyone be attracted to such a faith.  She and I have a strong friendship and I am extremely fortunate to have her in my life.  I wrote her an answer (which she wasn't looking for anyway . . . she was writing more out of rhetoric than anything else).  However, someone else wrote an even better answer!
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John Fischer is a singer, songwriter and author from my growing up years.  He is an ordained minister and is dedicated to creating bridges between those within the church and those out beyond its walls, that Christians might rise up in the marketplace with a sense of inclusiveness, diversity, and acceptance. 

A couple of years ago, thanks to the Internet, I "reconnected" with Fischer.  I subscribe to his "the Catch," which is a part of his "Fischtank.com" ministry.    Within 24 hours of my writing my response to my friend's email, the "Catch" came into my inbox with the following message:

SAVED EVERY DAY

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. (1 Timothy 1:15)
 
It's not until we are stripped clean of pride, pretense, and presumption that anyone will see God in our lives. It's not until others see that we are sinners in need of salvation that they will ever have even the slightest inkling that they might need it too.
 
This is what consistently goes wrong with our Christian message and why the world continually sees Christians as hypocrites and bigots, and why they are so consistently turned off to our message: WE HAVE BECOME PURVEYORS OF A GOSPEL MESSAGE THAT WE OURSELVES DON'T NEED ANYMORE. (Sorry, but I had to write it as loud as I could.) It's as if our message is, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners of which you are the worst."
 
"To be sure, I needed Christ once, back then when I was a really bad sinner," we say in so many words, though we may be unaware of saying it like this. "Now that I'm a Christian, I've pretty much got it together, but I can see that you don't. You are where I once was - you are a pretty rotten sinner - you obviously need Jesus." Now answer me: Who wants to be around someone proclaiming that kind of message?
 
Doesn't anybody see what's wrong with these messages? They are messages that contradict the gospel. We talk as if we all need the gospel, until we get into church. Once we're saved and in a church, well, we don't need the gospel anymore. How quickly we forget.
 
"You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified? This is the only thing I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh" (Galatians 3:1-4)?
 
In other words, what are you saying? Thanks for dying for me Jesus, but I can take it from here?
 
This is the biggest of all evangelical veils: You need to be saved.
 
Come on you guys, let's fess up here: We've got to be saved every day from ourselves. We are the sinners who need Jesus. We are the ones who don't have it together. We are the ones for whom Christ died... and we need to know that right now, and we'll need it tomorrow. It's such a simple message.
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Vickie back here.  I needed that!  I needed to be reminded that I'm no better than anyone else and that *I* need the gift of salvation every day.   And that's my hope and dream . . . that I daily (minute-by-minute) understand that I *need* Christ in every aspect of my life (not just in my cancer) and to have an intimate relationship with the One who saves me . . . every day.

(Special thanks to John Fischer and for his permission to reprint his post.  You can find it and all the other "the Catch" writings at http://www.fischtank.com .  The "Saved Every Day" post appeared on March 13, 2012.)
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    God's Story

    _I believe we all have a story. This blog records my story and how I've lived with breast cancer both as a primary disease and a terminal disease.  I believe this is all a part of God's story for my life. This blog unapologetically includes all areas of my life: my faith, my family and my advocacy for change in the metastatic breast cancer world.

      

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