Roxi looked at me with a puzzled look on her face.  “How can you be so happy?” she asked.  “I don’t understand.  You have late stage cancer, but here you are, sitting with me, laughing and having a good time.  I don’t get it.”

“Roxi, how should I be acting?”

“Well, if it were me, I think I’d be crying.  I don’t think I’d leave my house at all.  In fact, my uncle has leukemia and he never goes out.  He just stays home all the time.  He may never work again and he is depressed all the time.  I don’t think he’ll live very long.  He’s never happy and everyone is very worried about him.”

“Roxi, I understand your confusion.  You’re right . . . I may not live very long.  However, I am alive right now and I have a good life, right now!  Why should I give up today just because I might not be alive tomorrow?”

I went on to ask Roxi what she would do with her life if she were told that she had only one year left to live.  She gave some of the standard answers of doing the things she’s always wanted to do and of making her parents happy.  She then got a bit silent.

“I don’t know what I’d do.  I’ve never really thought about it.  I’m only 21 years old, so I’m not supposed to die anytime soon.  But I look at you and I think, ‘She’s not supposed to have breast cancer’ and I realize that I really don’t know my future.”

China just celebrated Qing Ming Jie, Tomb Sweeping Day.  It’s a bit like Memorial Day in the United States, but goes a bit further.  Some would say that it’s a day of worshiping ancestors (and there is a lot of bowing that goes on at cemeteries), but others would say that it’s a day of remembering those who have gone before us. 

One of the most common traditions of Qing Ming Jie is that of burning paper money (spirit money . . . and no, it’s not real) and paper items for those in the afterlife to use.  People burn paper cars, paper houses, paper cell phones and as of late, paper computers and paper iPads!  There are jokes on the internet talking about how Great Grandpa won’t know how to use an iPad, but that Steve Jobs can teach him!

The traditional Chinese belief of an afterlife is a bit complicated to understand.  There are stories of heaven and hell, but not many folktales include a supreme God.  There are many small gods and the legends reflect the lives of the gods similar to Greek and Roman mythology.  Lots of bickering and fighting!

But what Qing Ming Jie really shows me is that this complex society has a longing for permanence and a desire for life to have meaning beyond that which we have here on Earth. 

Many people talk of China’s rapid rise over the past thirty years and questions are now being raised as to what the true cost of this rise has been.  Money and getting rich has been the obsession of so many for so long that those who now have money are beginning to ask, “Is this all there is?”  “What’s next?” is another common question.  As people obtain more wealth, they find that material goods are costing more and more.  I’ve heard many a student complain that their education teaches them nothing but how to take a test, only to see those who didn’t go on to university achieve the dream of owning a car and a home rather than racking up debt to go to school.

As I talked with Roxi, she shared how as an upcoming graduate with a bachelor’s degree in English, that she will be unable to find a job.  One strike against her is that she went to the equivalent of a community college (not well respected in Chinese culture) and another strike is that she doesn’t have a master’s degree (yet).  She, along with every other job seeker in China, says, “We pretend we are looking for jobs.  What we are actually doing is seeing how strong our network is and if anyone in our network or, more commonly, in our parents’ network, knows of any jobs that we can pay our way into.”

Much has been said of the spiritual vacuum in modern Chinese culture.  People don’t typically help each other unless they are immediate family or unless the favor can be returned (thus, building a stronger network).  Death is an avoided topic and people are noticeably uncomfortable with me when I bring it up.

Roxi is a “foreign teacher junkie.”  As an English major, she goes after each new foreign teacher with gusto, learning what she can, further developing her network.  She doesn’t go to my university, but she heard about me four years ago and regularly visited my office hours.  We’ve had many conversations over the past four years, though nothing with any major depth.

The idea of “forever” isn’t talked about much, either.  Roxi and I were sitting at a table that was one meter by one meter in size.  There was a scratch on one corner of the table.  I told her that the scratch represented our lives here on Earth . . . a mere sliver of time . . . and that the rest of the edge of the table represented “forever.” 

“Roxi, what will you do with your forever?”

She looked me in the eye and said, “I’ve never thought about it.  I always thought that the idea of “forever” was a Western thing, but I guess that’s not true.  (We had just finished talking about Qing Ming Jie.)  I’ve talked to lots of foreigners about God and I believe God is destiny.  That everyone eventually gets to God, somehow.”

“Well, if you believe that God is “destiny,” then what you are really saying is that God is your destination.  Now, if you were to plan a trip to the capital city, wouldn’t you plan how you were going to get there?  If you are planning on God being your destination, then how are you going to get there?”

“Roxi, exactly what do you want out of life?  Is getting a master’s degree and getting a job good enough?  What do you want your life to mean to you?”

Roxi replied, “No one’s ever asked me these questions!  I don’t know how to answer them.”

“You don’t have to answer them now.  I’d like you to go home and think about this.  Do some research.  Write down the words and ideas that come to you as you think about the topic.  Do this in Chinese . . . you can translate it to English later on.  Really ponder on ‘the meaning of life’ and the idea of ‘forever.’  Remember, ‘forever’ begins now . . . not later!  I’m going to contact you in two weeks to see how your project is going and we’ll talk more then.”

“Vickie, you’re really comfortable with ‘forever,’ aren’t you?  You’re not afraid of leaving the ‘right now’ and moving into ‘forever’.  I can’t wait for us to meet again so that we can talk more about this.”

Cancer.  It’s amazing how living with a possibly terminal disease can erase the “taboo barriers” and blow open previously closed doors.  Praise God!

Easter . . . celebration of life!  There's no other holiday that even comes close to what Easter means to me.  I have a new life, day-by-day, and having cancer has made that realization very real to me.

I WILL die one day . . . there is no doubt about that.  All of us will die.  Some of us (myself included), may die sooner than we think we should.  However, as each day brings us "closer to glory," we should look at how we should live.

I have lots of thoughts about that . . . and will write more about them another time.  Today, I want to focus on humor.  Laughter is indeed, good for the soul!  I do believe that Jesus had many belly-shaking moments of laughter with his friends on earth.

Without any further ado . . . I give you . . . the decorated egghead!

I love to knit!  I'm not very good at it and I've only mastered the art of flat objects, but I still love it.  I love creating art in my hands and I love the feel of the yarn as it slides through my fingers.  I especially love all the colors of yarns out on the market.

I can't begin to tell you anything about the weight of yarns or types of needles, etc.  Here in China, you tell the shop keeper what you are wanting to make and they tell you if your yarn will work for that project and how much you will need.  They'll tell you the size needles you need to use. 

No one uses patterns!  It's a "master" driven art . . . you learn from those who have already conquered your project.  Knitting shops only hire those who knit.  You don't have to pay for a class . . . you just go and sit in the shop and the master will teach you what you need to know.  You return when you hit a snag or when you are ready for the next step of the project.

I've not done anything complicated, but I have sat and watched these artists at work.  They are truly amazing.

I'm including some photos of my "spectacular" flat objects.  Don't ask for any technical details because I won't be able to answer the questions!  The names of the pieces are purely my own. 

Easter Egg.  I started and finished this one during my recent six days in Hong Kong.  It's a self-ruffling yarn and since I didn't lay it flat to knit (the yarn was in a ball), the scarf itself is in a spiral as well.  Totally cool!  Yarn cost $1.50 US.

I love the colors!  This is a simple 6-stitch scarf, knit every row.

Rachel loves all the scarves I make and begs to wear them!  She wore this one to school today.

Springtime Confetti.  I knit this one up during our initial trip to Hong Kong in January.  I picked up the yarn in the city that we had a few hours layover.  It cost the same as the Easter Egg yarn . . . $1.50 US!

This is a wool blend yarn with some ribbon yarn.  I did a simple rib stitch with a long fringe.

Ocean's Deep.  I started this scarf in November and made it for the "Art of my Heart" for his Christmas gift.  I didn't finish it until January, though!  This is knit in what's called a "moss stitch" and I was less than impressed with how hard it was for me to keep track of the way it was stitched.  I do like how it turned out, though.  However, Art has yet to wear it because when we returned from Hong Kong, the weather was too warm!

I can't remember the exact cost of the yarn, but I believe was no more than $5.00 US.  (Yarn in my city is super cheap!)

Opal Fire.  I actually finished this shawl last year, but never tucked in all the loose ends until last month!  Sigh.  This is knit in a seed stitch (easier than the moss stitch!) and can be worn with or without the closing pin.  Cost of yarn was  $4.60 US.  The pin cost $4.00 US.  I plan on giving it to a friend here on my campus.

Most of you know the role of my faith in my life.  It's never been a secret and I'm more open than ever!

I am blessed to have friends from many different belief systems.  Buddhists, Muslims, Jews, Agnostics, Atheists, Christians (Catholic and Protestant), Daoists, Materialists, etc. all make up a part of my friendship circle.  Many of my friends in China would be called "Traditionalists" in that they don't really follow a belief system at all, but have respect for the traditions of the land.

I'm going to write a bit about the public image of Christians.  I'm not really sure about the role of politics and religion, so I'm going to stay out of that arena.  However, I wanted to share from an email I recently received from a friend.  She is not a Christian and she wrote this after a week-long visit from a Christian friend.
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The reason for this vent is the hypocrisy.  I find him to be a Christian in theory, but not in practice.  He is quick to judge and continually makes rude, racist and/or sexist comments about people.   "Not being a good Christian," I would say to such remarks and he would reply that Jesus had a sense of humor.  "But did Jesus belittle people?  This is your field of expertise you tell me?"  No clear answer.

I told him of another Christian friend of mine who is challenging for a number of reasons.  And as one former fellow co-worker of ours once said of her, "I can take her in small doses."  So, this house guest asked why I put up with her, implying that I should dump her.  I tried to explain that in spite of her salient flaws, she has the biggest and purest heart of anyone I know.  She is a good person and would help me or anyone out if we just ask.  I feel somewhat sorry for her, and have an odd sense of responsibility to be her friend, for I feel she needs one like me.  And let me tell you, she taxes my tolerance level.  My house guest said he wouldn't be bothered with her.

I then challenged him.  "Who am I to question your 'Christian' behavior, as I am not one, but I don't think you are a very good Christian, by the way you easily dismiss people."   He joked that perhaps I am part of the Lord's mission to help him find a better way.

So there you have it.  He has accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and thus, is a Christian.  Whatever.
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My friend's email made me sad.  You see, whenever we identify ourselves as "something," then like it or not, we become an ambassador for that label.  This is true for labels we have little to no control over (gender, race, nationality are to name a few) but is especially true for labels we choose (faith and career choices).  I've learned quite a bit about perceptions and judgment merely by being an American citizen living abroad.  In case you didn't know it, Americans don't have a very good reputation in many parts of the world!

My friend encountered an "ambassador" for Christianity and she was left wondering why in the world would anyone be attracted to such a faith.  She and I have a strong friendship and I am extremely fortunate to have her in my life.  I wrote her an answer (which she wasn't looking for anyway . . . she was writing more out of rhetoric than anything else).  However, someone else wrote an even better answer!
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John Fischer is a singer, songwriter and author from my growing up years.  He is an ordained minister and is dedicated to creating bridges between those within the church and those out beyond its walls, that Christians might rise up in the marketplace with a sense of inclusiveness, diversity, and acceptance. 

A couple of years ago, thanks to the Internet, I "reconnected" with Fischer.  I subscribe to his "the Catch," which is a part of his "Fischtank.com" ministry.    Within 24 hours of my writing my response to my friend's email, the "Catch" came into my inbox with the following message:

SAVED EVERY DAY

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. (1 Timothy 1:15)
 
It's not until we are stripped clean of pride, pretense, and presumption that anyone will see God in our lives. It's not until others see that we are sinners in need of salvation that they will ever have even the slightest inkling that they might need it too.
 
This is what consistently goes wrong with our Christian message and why the world continually sees Christians as hypocrites and bigots, and why they are so consistently turned off to our message: WE HAVE BECOME PURVEYORS OF A GOSPEL MESSAGE THAT WE OURSELVES DON'T NEED ANYMORE. (Sorry, but I had to write it as loud as I could.) It's as if our message is, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners of which you are the worst."
 
"To be sure, I needed Christ once, back then when I was a really bad sinner," we say in so many words, though we may be unaware of saying it like this. "Now that I'm a Christian, I've pretty much got it together, but I can see that you don't. You are where I once was - you are a pretty rotten sinner - you obviously need Jesus." Now answer me: Who wants to be around someone proclaiming that kind of message?
 
Doesn't anybody see what's wrong with these messages? They are messages that contradict the gospel. We talk as if we all need the gospel, until we get into church. Once we're saved and in a church, well, we don't need the gospel anymore. How quickly we forget.
 
"You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified? This is the only thing I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh" (Galatians 3:1-4)?
 
In other words, what are you saying? Thanks for dying for me Jesus, but I can take it from here?
 
This is the biggest of all evangelical veils: You need to be saved.
 
Come on you guys, let's fess up here: We've got to be saved every day from ourselves. We are the sinners who need Jesus. We are the ones who don't have it together. We are the ones for whom Christ died... and we need to know that right now, and we'll need it tomorrow. It's such a simple message.
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Vickie back here.  I needed that!  I needed to be reminded that I'm no better than anyone else and that *I* need the gift of salvation every day.   And that's my hope and dream . . . that I daily (minute-by-minute) understand that I *need* Christ in every aspect of my life (not just in my cancer) and to have an intimate relationship with the One who saves me . . . every day.

(Special thanks to John Fischer and for his permission to reprint his post.  You can find it and all the other "the Catch" writings at http://www.fischtank.com .  The "Saved Every Day" post appeared on March 13, 2012.)