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This is a difficult post to write because it has so many twists and turns to it. It's hard to understand because so much of it reflects Art's and my personal time with God. With that being said, I'll just post it . . . be warned, though, it's long!
My second core needle biopsy (testing for drug sensitivities and for the FISH test), was done on Friday, February 3. It was a minimum five-day wait for the results, so we decided to return to our home city in China on
Saturday. We met with our sundae club (that's our name for "church") the next morning.
In the meantime, we needed to make some important decisions on how and where to pursue treatment. We had options of Hong Kong or the US, with the Hong Kong option having sub-options of my commuting back and forth (minimum 6 hours, sometimes more) or my staying in HK with friends or by myself. Additional option would be to move the entire family to HK.
We laid down before our Father our desire for clear vision on which direction to go. At one point in time, we had decided to go to the US. We looked up material on premature departure from the field and started working on some of the suggestions included in that material. The agony in making that decision was so overwhelming from every point of view . . . physically, spiritually and emotionally. We sent out a prayer email to all of our supporters, asking them to pray *immediately* for clarity on our parts as we navigated the next steps. We let them know that we were being strongly encouraged to return to the US and how difficult that decision was for us. We mentioned the option of my commuting to HK and how no one felt this was viable except for the believing doctor who was treating me. We briefly mentioned a possibility of our staying in HK for the duration of treatment.
I couldn't eat. (BTW, I always thought I was a stress eater. Perhaps I never really knew what stress was before . . . because right now? It's hard for me to eat! I have no appetite and I eat because I need to not because I want to.) Before we went to sleep, we asked God to speak to us even in our sleep to make things clear, claiming Psalms 16:7 "The wise counsel God gives when I'm awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart."
I had an interesting night's sleep that night, waking up at one point, saying, "Oh, shoot!" I was loud enough to awaken both myself and Art, but I had no recollection of whatever prompted that. I was very fuzzy-headed and could only say, "I can't wrap my brain around this." I was able to immediately go back to sleep.
I dreamed. I'm still trying to discern if this dream is from God, but after discussing it with Art and after several days of reflection and prayer, I am inclined to believe it was a message for us. (I'll tell the dream at another time.)
Art went for a run Monday morning. His heart cried out to hear from God. On Sunday night, he gave up everything here in LZ and began to mentally prepare to return to the US. However, on Monday morning, as he ran and listened, he began to hear that this was not necessary.
While he was out, I was processing and praying over my dream. I began to read the myriad of emails that came in through the night . . . responses to our prayer requests and affirmation that people had been praying for us while we slept.
All the emails were very touching and supportive and prayerful. Most people "got it" in understanding the need for a rapid decision rather than being about the cancer itself.
One completely surprising email came in. A woman from my small group of years ago who had moved to another state, wrote of her and her family's current location . . . Hong Kong! They moved there seven months ago. Both Art and I were absolutely floored by this . . . they are the last family we would have ever suspected of moving to Asia. Her email reflected God's grace and goodness. They have a daughter, Rachel's age and a son, Michael's age.
On Monday, we received phone calls from three doctor friends. While we had emailed two of these doctors (M.D.s), we had not personally spoken with them since this journey began. The first doctor, Art’s brother, ended up his conversation with saying that he didn’t think traveling to Hong Kong for treatment was unreasonable. Although Art’s brother’s practice doesn’t involve treatment of cancer patients, he had several helpful pointers and questions for us to consider.
The second doctor, internal medicine, had lived in HK for eleven years when his son was diagnosed with lymphoma. He and his wife had no choice but to go to the US as the HK doctors at that time didn't know how to treat children with lymphoma. They also agonized over leaving HK, but had separately received word and peace from God releasing them to do so with free hearts. He and his wife (also on the phone) are now the directors of the organization we are with, completely and heartfelt-fully, understood our struggle. As we discussed the option of commuting, they both understood that we had not received the same “release” that they had received in the same situation. They asked some key medical questions that they felt needed to be addressed, but agreed that we should follow what we believed God to be telling us.
The third doctor is a breast cancer specialist/oncologist and a life-long friend of mine. She initiated the call on her own and I was able to talk to her in-depth about side effects, infections, etc. I asked the questions that our director had asked and she was able to easily answer them. She has reviewed the recommended treatment (chemo first, surgery second) and agrees with it 100%. I gave her the details of the commute, as well as the run-down on the medical situation in our city. At the end of the 30-minute phone call, she said that she would have no problems if I were her patient and did such a commute for treatments. She has patients who commute just as far (or farther) to get to her. {Update: the recommended drug protocol for my chemotherapy is the exact protocol she would use for her patients in the same situation.}
In between these other calls, a call went out to the American doctor here in LZ. She is still in HK with her husband, but will return tomorrow. I asked her about her concerns and most of them were centered in how I would manage my work schedule and chemo schedule. As soon as she heard that I was not planning to teach, she immediately said, "I have no problems with that and I think you could commute." She sent key questions for me to ask the doctor on recommended treatments should problems occur.
We made a call to our university and they have graciously released me from my contract with strong words of encouragement to "get better." They have made no demands upon us. God has since miraculously provided a teacher to take my classes this semester . . . he will arrive in LZ on Wednesday, the 22nd. The provincial government is allowing him to come in on a tourist visa which they will change to a work visa in-country. This is *not* a standard procedure!
In the course of 24 hours, we went from an agonizing "we're returning to the US" to "Vickie's going to commute." We are going to try to have Art accompany me whenever possible. We do have peace about this. We understand this doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be easy, but we do feel we're moving in the right direction. It's imperative that treatment starts as soon as possible, so we returned to HK on Wednesday to put things in motion.
If the commute becomes too difficult (especially with the cumulative fatigue), then I will stay in HK for the remainder of the treatments, or even go the US, if necessary.
We have not made a decision on where to have the surgery following chemotherapy.
We realize that this does not make sense in a worldly fashion. We understand that this is hard for many people who love us so very much. We do honestly believe that we are following God’s leading in this. We have given this cancer to Him and we fully expect Him to heal me through His chosen methods. His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8).
These plans are tent pegs. Just as Abraham and Lot traveled about, following God’s leading, so are we are willing to do the same thing. We are willing to change paths. We are not trying to be stubborn. We are keeping our hearts and ears open. We covet your continued prayers as this journey continues. We are on this journey, asking for humility along with the way. We don't feel "heroic" at all. We are really trying to just depend upon our heavenly father for guidance.
The faith in healing can’t just be in medical science, nor can it be just in location. Just as God brought us through Art’s head injury, He will bring us through this. We feel in some ways that this is similar to Gideon's story. Gideon's victory over the Midianites had nothing to do with the size of his army (reduced from 30,000+ to a mere 300 soldiers), but had everything to do with God. We are believing that my healing MUST point the way to God every step of the way.
We trust that since we feel this is God’s plan, that it is the best plan for now. If this is truly from God as we believe it to be, then His grace and strength will be sufficient to see us through. We can’t trust Him just halfway in this . . . we have to trust Him all the way.
We continue to ask for your prayers and support, even if you don't agree with or even understand our decision.
May HIS glory be revealed!