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I just want to be home ...

9/8/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
IV pole before the bags of fluids and/or medicines.
Drip, drip, drip
The IV continues to drip. 
Year in, year out, the life extending medicines enter my body in one form or another.
I am grateful.

But I just want to be home.

As time goes on, each treatment becomes a bit more harsh.
They take more time.
There are more "emergencies" that delay treatments.

The disease marches on.

I just want to be home.

My current infusions take about six hours.  There are lots of reasons for this and I understand them all. 

I just want to be home.

Yesterday I hit a mental wall.  I cried in the last half hour of treatment because I just wanted to be home. 

Yet, another 30 minutes of drip, drip, drip.

The man in the chair across from me had a severe, phlemy cough that scared me due to my own current breathing issues.

I just want to be home.

I want to be with my family and friends.  I want to sit with them in my nest and laugh with them.  I want to share a meal with them. I want to sit with my cat beside me.  I want to just simply be.

I just want to be home.

But when I got home, I was so uncomfortable and so agitated that I couldn't do any of that. 

I could only toss back and forth, trying to get comfortable.  Too hot, too cold, too full, starving yet unable to eat, bloated, stuck on the toilet, hidden away from my family. 

I just want to be home.

I don't know what all this means.  I did get a good night's sleep and I'm feeling much better.

Heavy drugs can mess with you.  Reactions are unpredictable.  Literally ... feeling well to feeling awful can happen very rapidly for me.  I called into the clinic to explain what was happening and they were glad I was home.

Me, too.  I'm glad to be home.
2 Comments
Alicia Lovens
9/8/2016 07:22:07 am

DOn't know what to say other than I'm thinking of you and wishing that you felt better. ALICIA. Castro Valley

Reply
Nancy's Point link
9/8/2016 09:29:12 am

Oh gosh, home. It's a very "full" word isn't it? Your post is poetic, wistful and beautiful. I'm glad you're home now and hoping you are feeling better. Keeping you in my thoughts. xx

Reply



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    _I believe we all have a story. This blog records my story and how I've lived with breast cancer both as a primary disease and a terminal disease.  I believe this is all a part of God's story for my life. This blog unapologetically includes all areas of my life: my faith, my family and my advocacy for change in the metastatic breast cancer world.

      

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