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Fragments

5/25/2016

3 Comments

 
Picture
like many of us in terminal cancer land,
she lived in two countries,
waffling between fear and joy.
joy in having one more day but
fear in being one day closer to the grave.

she analyzed every change in her health
with the scrutiny of a true professional.
she asked questions like,
"can things go bad really fast?"
"is this the end?"

in spite of the doubts and struggles,
she threw herself into living life with gusto.
she truly embraced the joy that overshadowed
the clouds of questions that swarmed around her.
she made living with terminal cancer look easy.

in fact, she made it look so easy that people
forgot she was dying. 
she repeatedly heard comments about how
great she looked.
she made living with a terminal illness look normal.

there's nothing normal about living with disease.
those with early stage diagnoses are often cheered
when they complete 4, 6, 8, or 12 chemotherapy treatments.
cheers are given at the end of a year of herceptin.

there are no cheers for the terminal patient,
although there is incredible encouragement.
people are hard-pressed to understand what it
means to endure 1,250 days of non-stop treatments.

and then she died at age 32.
we're all left wondering how this could be.
in spite of our own lives with this disease,
we all forget how sick we really are.

we'll attend her funeral where we'll hear everyone saying,
"but she was doing so well!"
"i had no idea she was so sick!"
"i can't believe she's gone!"

that's the insidiousness of the disease.
we go on, day after day, month after month,
year after year. 
if we're lucky, those years stretch beyond average
expectations.

we live each day with joy,
grateful for each one.

we try not to live in fear of the grave
looming off in the distance.
3 Comments
vanessa greene
5/26/2016 08:24:39 am

I am stage 4 Breast cancer for two years now, ten years as stage 3. Tomorrow is promised to no one. Living is the only cure. The fear and stress only makes cancer worse. it is not productive. stay in the now and live as fully as you can. Bless you and bless us all.

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Kathi link
5/30/2016 07:11:26 am

<3 <3

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Shane
8/17/2016 07:15:04 pm

My sister was diagnosed in December 2016, with stage 4 breast cancer , it has matastisized to her lung & spine , she will be 42 in September , she sleeps ALOT & some days mentally it's all just to much , I fear for the future of what will be , however tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us , I pray for a miracle daily that this disease will leave her small fragile frame
I love my little sister Jennifer

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    God's Story

    _I believe we all have a story. This blog records my story and how I've lived with breast cancer both as a primary disease and a terminal disease.  I believe this is all a part of God's story for my life. This blog unapologetically includes all areas of my life: my faith, my family and my advocacy for change in the metastatic breast cancer world.

      

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