I reached that goal on Friday. I drove back to San Francisco for confirmation of the glucose levels. While the lab values were slightly different than my home meter, they were within an acceptable range and I was started back on the trial at a 25% reduced dosage.
I went back today for an evaluation and determination as to whether or not I could stay on the trial. My glucose levels have been remaining fairly constant and the fasting levels were acceptable. I'm to remain in the trial!
It's important to point out that at no time was I in danger of being denied the established drug. That is my primary treatment right now and I received my second dose of that today. The trial drug is in addition to the primary treatment.
I am relieved and encouraged. The clinical trials team told me how much they want me to stay on this trial due to its promising results. While this trial is new to UCSF, it's in its third year of study and other institutions are sharing information. Things are looking good.
In the meantime, I continue to have emotional ups and downs. I'm mentally exhausted and I've been staying away from my computer and often, away from my phone as well. Forgive me for not answering emails or for not acknowledging messages. I just don't have it in me right now. Mental fatigue spills over into physical fatigue. I'm also emotionally fragile ... I don't know what will set off a crying spell. The holidays are difficult because the shadow of "Will this be my last Christmas on this side of eternity" continually hangs over me. I so desperately want to live in the present, but I swing from the past to the future in the blink of an eye.
I lost a friend from my metastatic support group. We all thought we had more time with her. This disease, once it gets to the vital stuff, can move extremely quickly and can take someone with little notice. To be frank, we all have in the back of our heads, "Who's next?" and I never suspected it would be Franca.
I'm really tired, so I'm going to close now. As always, thank you for walking this road with me.